Outward Emotions

So you know how some days you act a little different because you're sad or angry or frustrated or super happy or scared or whatever. And sometimes people notice it and ask you "hey, what's going on? Why are you happy/sad/scared/frustrated/angry/otheremotionalresponse?"

What happens when it's just a regular normal day--I'm not super happy or frustrated or anything--but about half of my students ask me what's wrong? Are they seeing something I'm not?

Weird.

My mind is a MACHINE!

My mind has been thinking more than recently. I've got about four of God's special memory enhancers (Post-It Notes) on my desk with things that have come to my head and ideas or thoughts or curiosities that I want to explore. Not all in the blogosphere necessarily, but they are out there.

So in an effort to sort of clean off my desk and organize things a bit, here are where my thoughts have lead recently:

• Worthship vs. Worship
• There's a lunar eclipse on the 20th (that's tomorrow) we should celebrate it--not that we're pagan, but because it'd be cool.
• I like that Matchbox 20 came back together and they have a new song I like.
• Things that I mentioned in talking with Micah last night about replacements of identites and how to move on in life.
• Sweating the small stuff and having your priorities in order and understanding what's actually small
• The path of least resistance, that bloody Robert Frost poem, and God's plan for us.
• Giving all your mind, strength, heart, soul, SELF to God.
• The usage of Thou and Thy in the KJV and my thoughts on it + How to pray in French (Yes, they are related, oddly enough).
• What the crap am I going to do this summer???

So yes, those are the thoughts in myh ead. One day I hope to tackle them all. Hopefully soon.

As far as the last one, I do have some new information. I can teach at UF for half of the summer but it seems as if I'm getting paid squat for it (about 100$ a week....seriously). If anyone has any supplimentary jobs I could do this summer...I'd love to hear them. I'll do data entry, picture tagging, lawn mowing, toilet cleaning, or whatever you would like me to do. If it pays and I'm available, I'll probably do it.

I haven't heard back from Paris yet. Hopefully soon, but probably going to be a few weeks yet. I'd like to get my summer plans a bit more nailed down, really...ah well.

The Circle of Life is Shaped Like A Heart

It is a sad day.

Yes, today of all days--the day of love, the day of happiness, the day of wolf-fertility, the day of fat babies with sharp pointy weapons--something tragic has occured.

A once beloved fish has passed away from this world and has gone to wherever fish go after they die.

He was an incredible fish. Defying all odds to survive moving nearly 550 miles in a car on four different occaisions, living in a very small enclosure, and breathing(?) the wonderful different tap waters of these four places. He apparently survived in these harsh conditions nearly one and a half years from his release from the hands of blue (two by two).

R.I.P., Bloop.

You shall be missed.

Mindless Musings

I was going to open this entry up by saying "Lots of thoughts on my mind, like always" and then I realized...wait...if I always have lots of thoughts on my mind, then why do I have to start an entry telling everyone this? Well, I guess I don't. But I just did. Hurm.

Anyway,

I've been finding myself thinking about a lot of things and wanting to get them off my chest. Well, not really get them off my chest as much as just throw the idea out there and talk it through with someone. Unfortnately, I've fallen out of contact with a lot of my friends. In fact, when I call pretty much any of my friends in the ATL area I feel like I'm intruding on their new lives. They have spouses, real-world jobs, and lives that don't involve me. I feel kinda left behind in the single college-student scene. I know they would protest, but their problems are so different than mine now, I feel like I got stuck in the past.

It's hard when you have thoughts you're ashamed of but can't get out of your mind. Even things that are incredibly ridiculous and no one would care...the shame that I even think of them makes me not want to share it...regardless of the validity of my thoughts. I used to have some friends where i felt comfortable sharing this stuff...where I didn't feel judged....where I could tell people things in confidence and they genuinely cared and wouldn't bat an eye or tell a soul. What happened? I guess that's all part of growing up.

I hurt for my family who is dealing with how to deal with my grandfather. I hurt for my grandfather.

I really appreciate my parents. I'm not sure I could give my children the same kind of awesome upbringing that I really appreciate like they did.

I have days where I'm comfortable with who I am and days where I regret every decision I've made. Ha, how bi-polar sounding.

I made both an A on my final paper in that class I had to rewrite the paper in as well as an A in the class. This makes me quite happy. Although part of me wonders if I just got it out of pity.

I've spent the past 10 years studying French and I still don't think I've got it all down. I feel kinda like a failure.

I seem to write a lot of posts in bullet-points. That's relaly how my mind works, though.

Last week I had two different verses that randomly popped into my head. It's weird, I have been horrible at memorizing verses since forever. But these just popped into my head out of nowhere while I was trying to fall asleep. The first was "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength." (Mark 12:28-30) and I have since forgotten the second. I've got lots of thoughts brewing about these two verses, maybe one day i'll get them out for the world to hear.

The path of least resistance. This concept confuses me. I understand it by definition, but the practical implications of it both in this world and outside make me confused. Kinda like being who you are but also changing what's wrong with you. Perhaps something again to address another day.

I've got a lot more but I'm self-conscious about putting them on the internet. (How dumb am I?)

Besides, this is so long no one is going to read it anyway.

Oh yeah? Well, take that!

Lots of thoughts running through my head. Some good. Some bad. Some not easily placeable into such indescript categories as "good" and "bad".

The past week was ridiculously busy as far as school goes. I had a test, a presentation, a paper, various homeworks, and loads of grading and teaching-related stress. It's over (for the most part) though, now. So that's good.

I found out my favourite radio station back home is no longer in existance. Apparently no one likes alternative/rock music in Atlanta anymore but the Top 40, Rap, and R&B are, of course, amazingly popular. Bum. They really were a good station--locally owned, played a good mix of music, and gave a lot of new bands a chance when no one else would. I guess it really doesn't matter much since I don't live there anymore. But they were a large part of my (musical) life from 1998 to 2007. Ah well.

I feel like I'm changing in Gainesville, and I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing. I don't think I like it though.

I'd give anything for a good D&M right now, for realz.

Every once in a while my thoughts wander off to old friends I've lost--well not lost, but extremely diminished--contact with. What happened?

Winter is no longer here in Florida. We're back to 70+ degree weather. RIP Winter of '07-'08.