"Oh, so THAT'S why he talks so much!!"

Today has been good.

I woke up early enough to see dew on my car (I don't even remember the last time I was up that early without having been awake through the night). Had some great conversation on a trip up to Live Oak with Mary. Grandparents, driving habits, snow birds, future plans. Good stuff.

Took a phonetics test on spectrograms. Basically I had to learn how to read this:

It says happy birthday. Didn't see it? Yeah, neither do I. But whatever. That test is over and I actually think I did ok on it.

Then I had lunch with Matt. Food and more good conversation. Blogs (Past and Present), Racism, life in general. All very good.

None of these conversations seem to last long enough, though. I think I just really enjoy getting to know people and their lives and their thoughts and their experiences. Someone to bounce ideas off of, to get ideas from, to learn from, to help them in their problems, to vent to, to allow them to vent, to help refine them and to refine yourself.

So it's been a good day. And the day's not over yet! (Huzzah's all around!) My day will include a nap, possibly some good reading, some good Asian cuisine with some awesome people, and who knows what else. More conversation? You bet. Will it be awesome? Undoubtedly.

These rules are made to break and these walls are built to fall...

I don't know what to think about this past week. My mind has been everywhere and nowhere all at the same time. I've felt pushed and pulled in various directions. I've been dreaming like crazy. I never dream. Well, very very seldomly. Normally if I dream once a quarter, it's a big deal. This month I can recount at least 10 different times I've dreamt. I'm not sure what that means. My mind's been in overdrive and but with nothing coming from it. I feel insomniac, but I am getting more than enough sleep. This week has felt like a huge burden on my shoulders, and I realize that this week has been nothing compared to what next week shall bring.

I did find out I am for sure going to Paris this summer, though. Yay for that.

But was I ever sure to begin with?

Going to bed at 3 am with a maelstrom of emotions going through my mind. Frustration, Confusion, Desire, Longing, Curiosity, Fear, Worry, Reverence, and others that don't fit into nice little lexical categories.

I'm not sure what to think anymore.

11 hours, and this is all I could come up with?

Thoughts going through my head at the moment:

• When you tell your students for three days that you are going to have a quiz, you tell them what it is on, and you give them plenty of indication that they should actually study, how come they suddenly decide that they don't know anything and they shouldn't study and should complain constantly about the quiz because I am being unfair with this quiz. Umm...didn't I inform you adequately? Answer: Yes.
• This morning in the shower (why do ideas always come in the shower?) I think I realized a reason what kind of church I really want to go to. I think why I like the way my church back in Roswell was when I was a kid is because it seemed like everyone had a job, everyone was so close. We actually were a community. I could elaborate more, but I
• I lost my red pen for grading. I liked that pen. Now I have to grade in blue. Who does that?
• Yesterday must have been the day of talking to people you had relatively lost contact with. I had some unexpected texts and made an unexpected phone call. It was good to catch up with one friend, the other...well we didn't really catch up.
• I've felt disheartened every once in a while about teaching French class. It's kind of frustrating.
• I can't seem to figure out what God wants me to do. I am trying to not have my will override his, and to discern which is which...but I am not succeeding.
• I had way more things to say, but they did not make it to this entry which was started at 4pm and ended at 3am.

Reflective...sorta.

Spring Break was enjoyable. I cleaned my house entirely and got some things done that needed to be done. I also did a lot of sleeping. That was lovely. Hung out with some friends (sometimes til early hours of the morning) which was nice. I really want to spend more quality time with people. Get to know people better.

Nothing really productive school-related happened despite my best intentions, but I'm not sure I really expected anything productive to actually happen.

I also spent part of it in Atlanta hanging out with my parents and some old friends. It was really good to hang out with Michael and Kathryn, Drew and Nicole...but it wasn't nearly enough time. I also enjoyed being at home and having free food and time with my parents. None of it really lasted as long as I would have liked. But that's just the way things are.

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I have felt really weird all day. I'm not sure why. Mentally/Emotionally I've just been all over the place. I want to expand upon this but I don't know how.

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Woah. Something I didn't realize until just now: I am in the white pages under my own name. How weird is that? Another reason why I'm an adult, I suppose, lol.

It evens out

Today, so far, has been a mixture of emotions. A combinations of unusual highs and frustrating lows that have combined to balance me out somewhat.

For one, I found out yesterday that I am 99% sure I am going to Paris this summer. Which is awesome. To spend some 6 weeks teaching kids French (something I love to do, regardless of how dorky it may be), visiting the land of baguettes and escargot, la Seine and le Canal Saint-Martin, the Eiffel Tower and cobblestoned streets, the cafés and the architecture, the sights and sounds and smells and tastes and feel of that city is just kinda awesome, in my book.

I was also given an opportunity to teach over the Summer at UF. What an awesome combination, non? Unfortunately, the same half of the summer they want me at UF, they want me in Paris. Paris pays more, but costs more. Ideally (and kind of budget-wise) I need to teach half the summer at UF and half in Paris. Which means switching with one of the two people who are teaching the first half. I contacted one of them yesterday? No such luck. She can't switch because she is graduating afterwards. The other one? She really really really really prefers to teach that summer since her kids are still in school and then they would have the same time off in the second half of the summer instead of her kids being in school when she's not and vice-versa. I think she is my only hope though?

I woke up this morning actually quite happy. Perhaps it was the fact that I went to bed before midnight (woah!)? I don't know what the reason, exactly, but I just was quite happy. Unfortunately, this happiness led to me being late to school. Not good. It was only by 15 minutes, but still.

The weather this morning (er...late morning, I'm not sure what mornings are like anymore, lol) was kinda nice and a song I'm coming to like more and more came on randomly in my CD player on the way to school.

I also read my Bible for the first time in a while. I've been kinda slack in that area as of late because, well, I had not been getting much out of it before...I felt like I was reading because it was what I was 'supposed to do' but I got nothing out of it. I wanted to, I prayed for it to, but I just didn't get anything from it. But I felt like I should try a bit again, I read some, prayed for my understanding and for God to speak to me through it, read some more. I'm not sure if I got anything out of it or not. Perhaps.... But I think I'll try for a bit longer.

I had another thing to say but I forgot what. Oh well, I need to go to class anyway.

These are my hansd, these are my faults, these are my plans, and these are my nasty little thoughts...

I think I'm officially on Hawaiian Time....

So I am very much thrown off with my sleep schedule now. After being up until around 6am the past two nights, I am not getting a good night's rest tonight, I can just tell. This weekend was full of unproductivty and awesomeness. I can't even remember all that happened this weekend. Friday night was Happy New Month chez Kyla. I got to play with legos and Caleb D. It was awesome. I also got to enjoy some good times with some awesome people. We should do this again next month :p

Saturday was a day of sleeping in and reading. I did a lot of reading for fun and enjoyed that. I also went out to Berto's Art show closing. It was also pretty awesome. Followed by a surprisingly good movie (Blood Diamond) and surprisingly confusing movie (The Darhjeeling Limited). I think at the end when Aux Champs Elysées came on for the credits music, I just about burst out laughing (waking up two awesome ladies that had fallen asleep watching the movie). Seriously? Seriously.

Sunday was Kristi's birthday surpriseness and some homework. I wish I could have come up with a song in time to get it on Kristi's birthday CD. It is a pretty awesome CD (for a pretty awesome person). I also spent some time on SimCity....probably not that productive. I got a great phone call from Jamie telling me that he is ENGAGED! Holy crap, yes! Apparently Meghan popped the question today and they are getting married. Details not hashed out yet (particularly the "we have different citizenships" problem)...but this means that a) one of my best friends is getting married and b) I get to take another trip to Washington State. Sweet. I guess I should start saving now.

I was slightly bummed before I wrote this entry about how my life is going so incredibly not where I thought I would be going (and not where I want it to go?) ...but after writing this entry to sum up the weekend, I don't want to dwell on the blah-ness.

Alright, it's off to bed.......


......maybe. lol.