So, I survived Finals.
Huzzahs all around.
It was a lot of work, I'm not going to lie, a lot of work. I probably could have done a little better than I did. But it was a lot at once. Ah well, it's over for now. After Finals, I was looking forward to the smooth sailing of the summer.
Oh, Matthew. How naïve you are! Life doesn't work like that. Have you not learned from life before? Perhaps you should take a class in history at Matt U.
Perhaps.
After finals I had tons and tons of grading to do. I also had a meeting I had to go to concerning my summer teaching at UF. I was still quite busy for some time, but it wasn't as stressful, which was good. I then went to the meeting and found out my original plans for the summer--which I had stressed about all semester in trying to get perfectly aligned and tried to let everyone know what was going on and not go behind people's backs--were now impossible. The teachers said they don't think it is a good idea and I had to choose between teaching the first half of the summer at UF or teaching the second half of the summer in Paris.
After a lot of debating and discussing with friends and my parents about what the best choice would be, I had not yet come to a decision. There were lots of things to consider: money, time, the ability of each program to replace me, what God might want me to do (if he even has a preference), etc. I was leaning on teaching at UF and then I got a call this morning though, from Paris, telling me that they really would like me to come to Paris and not teach at UF. The director in Paris also tried to talk to the head of the RomLang Dept and ask him to reconsider his decision. Perhaps he might change his mind.
Perhaps.
It turns out we all found a compromise that we could agree upon and I am now able to do both. This is very very good. It's also pretty awesome. I am excited.
So now, I am able to relax much more at home with my family and my friends. I'm going to see Michael, Kathryn, Nicole, & Drew tomorrow. It's going to be pretty sweet. I'm excited to see them. I'll get to see Becca on Friday and hang with Drew (from Gainesville) and Matt Stauffer when they come through too and show them Atlanta. It'll be pretty sweet. I'm excited.
Much less stressful now, which is good. I still have a kink in my back from my crappy chair I sat in way too much during finals week for typing the 50ish pages I wrote for school. But I'm hoping that goes away soon. There are a few things else on my mind, but a lot of them have been eased with the fact that a friend of mine helped me realize that just because you are being patient, does not mean you are not making a decision. Patience is an active decision, it's not laziness. It's something I will hopefully learn to handle well over the summer. That's my goal. God's not finished with me, yet, it seems. Perhaps I'll finally get it. Or, at least I'll be on my way.
Perhaps.
Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps.
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Reflective...sorta.
Spring Break was enjoyable. I cleaned my house entirely and got some things done that needed to be done. I also did a lot of sleeping. That was lovely. Hung out with some friends (sometimes til early hours of the morning) which was nice. I really want to spend more quality time with people. Get to know people better.
Nothing really productive school-related happened despite my best intentions, but I'm not sure I really expected anything productive to actually happen.
I also spent part of it in Atlanta hanging out with my parents and some old friends. It was really good to hang out with Michael and Kathryn, Drew and Nicole...but it wasn't nearly enough time. I also enjoyed being at home and having free food and time with my parents. None of it really lasted as long as I would have liked. But that's just the way things are.
I have felt really weird all day. I'm not sure why. Mentally/Emotionally I've just been all over the place. I want to expand upon this but I don't know how.
Woah. Something I didn't realize until just now: I am in the white pages under my own name. How weird is that? Another reason why I'm an adult, I suppose, lol.
Nothing really productive school-related happened despite my best intentions, but I'm not sure I really expected anything productive to actually happen.
I also spent part of it in Atlanta hanging out with my parents and some old friends. It was really good to hang out with Michael and Kathryn, Drew and Nicole...but it wasn't nearly enough time. I also enjoyed being at home and having free food and time with my parents. None of it really lasted as long as I would have liked. But that's just the way things are.
I have felt really weird all day. I'm not sure why. Mentally/Emotionally I've just been all over the place. I want to expand upon this but I don't know how.
Woah. Something I didn't realize until just now: I am in the white pages under my own name. How weird is that? Another reason why I'm an adult, I suppose, lol.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
I am thankful. It may not always show, but I am.
I'm back.
Thanksgiving Break was not bad. I had five whole days without thinking about school for more than 30 minutes total. I am glad of that. However, with the looming stress of finals week from both the giving and receiving end, it was hard to destress. I'll enjoy Christmas break much more, I think.
To sum up this Thanksgiving: lots of food, seriously, lots; lots of family as well; ridiculous heat for the end of November; UF vs FSU (w00t!); UW vs WSU (boo!); visits with friends; kid cousins; cousins growing up; ridiculous amount of travelling on I-275; SceneIt (I am awesome); and Fort De Soto Park.
And now I have returned to my nice clean house. I didn't really want to do it at the time, but I'm glad that I got all of my clothes clean and the house tidied up before I left. It's nice to come home to a clean house.
There have been loads of things going through my mind recently. I sometimes wish I thought more slowly or had an awesome memory so I could eventually write all my thoughts down. Right now if I were to write it all down I'd run out of paper and couldn't get all my thoughts out before I was gone and moving on to a different thought.
And now I'm sounding senseless.
There are a lot of people here in Gainesville that I've met in the past few months. Some of them I really would like to get to know better. I think I'm going to try and make more of an effort in the next few months to hang out and get to know these people more.
One thing I miss about college life is hanging out at midnight, 2 am, whenever, and suddenly having conversations about anything and everything, musing, philosophizing, throwing out ideas, etc....
I think that's it for tonight. This week is going to be a doozy.
Thanksgiving Break was not bad. I had five whole days without thinking about school for more than 30 minutes total. I am glad of that. However, with the looming stress of finals week from both the giving and receiving end, it was hard to destress. I'll enjoy Christmas break much more, I think.
To sum up this Thanksgiving: lots of food, seriously, lots; lots of family as well; ridiculous heat for the end of November; UF vs FSU (w00t!); UW vs WSU (boo!); visits with friends; kid cousins; cousins growing up; ridiculous amount of travelling on I-275; SceneIt (I am awesome); and Fort De Soto Park.
And now I have returned to my nice clean house. I didn't really want to do it at the time, but I'm glad that I got all of my clothes clean and the house tidied up before I left. It's nice to come home to a clean house.
There have been loads of things going through my mind recently. I sometimes wish I thought more slowly or had an awesome memory so I could eventually write all my thoughts down. Right now if I were to write it all down I'd run out of paper and couldn't get all my thoughts out before I was gone and moving on to a different thought.
And now I'm sounding senseless.
There are a lot of people here in Gainesville that I've met in the past few months. Some of them I really would like to get to know better. I think I'm going to try and make more of an effort in the next few months to hang out and get to know these people more.
One thing I miss about college life is hanging out at midnight, 2 am, whenever, and suddenly having conversations about anything and everything, musing, philosophizing, throwing out ideas, etc....
I think that's it for tonight. This week is going to be a doozy.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Family Disturbance
First of all, my grandfather is awesome.
He's just a really great man. He's one of the most religious and pious men I have ever known. He's one of the most respected figures in my family and one who's opinion--although sometimes not agreed with--is highly respected. He was born soon after World War I, lived through the depression, fought in World War II, started a family, contributed to the Baby Boom, taught numerous years of high school social studies and sunday school, became the proud father of three and grandfather of six, saw a new millenium, saw the passing of his wife, the graduation of three of his grandchildren from high school, the destruction of a house he built with his own hands, and so many more things. He has lived an extraordinary life and is still living even after eighty-six years.
But something has started to bug me recently.
It's not something I thought I would have noticed. It's such a small minute detail...but it bugs me...and I don't know what to do about it.
My grandmother, his wife, died in early 2003 and he has since been in a sort of depression, which is understandable...they had been together for over sixty years. Sixty years of waking up in the same bed, living in the same house, sharing thoughts, becoming practically one person--when grandmother died, it was like a part of him died. But my grandfather continued to love his Heavenly Father and be faithful to the Bridegroom of Christ.
Following the years after my grandmother's death, my grandfather continued into depression and we didn't think he could stay at his house alone anymore. He went to go live with his daughter and her family, who would take care of him. He became more and more sickly both with actual medical problems and some problems that he convinced himself he had and probably--through the incredible power of the brain--might have actually given himself.
I probably didn't notice the small change until maybe about two or three years ago. My grandfather would often pray over family meals when we were there. He began the prayer practically every time with the same sentence without variation. It's a phrase that I've heard so much I probably will remember until I die.
My grandfather uttered this phrase tens of thousands of times in his life, without fail. But a few years ago he began to say "Heavenly Father, we thank you again for this day and for thy love." and that was it. The first time I caught it I looked up to see if maybe he was choking or something had prevented him from saying the next two words I was so accustomed to hearing.
But he just kept going.
He kept going with the rest of the prayer over the meal and I was confused. OK, so maybe once in his lifetime he forgot to put those two words in his prayer. The guy does it all the time, there's bound to be some variation that I just had never noticed.
But it continued. It continued every time that I have ever heard the man pray since. It continued and every time the prayer was uttured across his tight pursed lips I would feel this emptiness...this anticipation...for this line that would never come. It's as if someone had sung the entire National Anthem and ended "Oh say does that Star Spangled Banner yet wave, o'er the land of the free." and ended right there not even acknowledgeing that we are the home of the brave. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.
And then I think I realized it. This man no longer thinks that God is merciful. He has had such a horrible time these past few years and felt so depressed and sickly and so he no longer feels the need or desire to thank the Lord our God for his mercy that my grandfather no longer sees.
I was floored.
This man who helped raise his children with incredible moral and ethical values based upon the teachings of Jesus Christ, this man who--every sunday--would teach a sunday school class on different parts of the Bible for decades, this man who baptized me, this man who has been the patriarch and cornerstone of our family no longer believes that God is merciful.
It really saddens me...it's a big blow.
And I don't know what I can do about it.
He's just a really great man. He's one of the most religious and pious men I have ever known. He's one of the most respected figures in my family and one who's opinion--although sometimes not agreed with--is highly respected. He was born soon after World War I, lived through the depression, fought in World War II, started a family, contributed to the Baby Boom, taught numerous years of high school social studies and sunday school, became the proud father of three and grandfather of six, saw a new millenium, saw the passing of his wife, the graduation of three of his grandchildren from high school, the destruction of a house he built with his own hands, and so many more things. He has lived an extraordinary life and is still living even after eighty-six years.
But something has started to bug me recently.
It's not something I thought I would have noticed. It's such a small minute detail...but it bugs me...and I don't know what to do about it.
My grandmother, his wife, died in early 2003 and he has since been in a sort of depression, which is understandable...they had been together for over sixty years. Sixty years of waking up in the same bed, living in the same house, sharing thoughts, becoming practically one person--when grandmother died, it was like a part of him died. But my grandfather continued to love his Heavenly Father and be faithful to the Bridegroom of Christ.
Following the years after my grandmother's death, my grandfather continued into depression and we didn't think he could stay at his house alone anymore. He went to go live with his daughter and her family, who would take care of him. He became more and more sickly both with actual medical problems and some problems that he convinced himself he had and probably--through the incredible power of the brain--might have actually given himself.
I probably didn't notice the small change until maybe about two or three years ago. My grandfather would often pray over family meals when we were there. He began the prayer practically every time with the same sentence without variation. It's a phrase that I've heard so much I probably will remember until I die.
Heavenly Father, we thank you again for this day and for thy love and mercy.
My grandfather uttered this phrase tens of thousands of times in his life, without fail. But a few years ago he began to say "Heavenly Father, we thank you again for this day and for thy love." and that was it. The first time I caught it I looked up to see if maybe he was choking or something had prevented him from saying the next two words I was so accustomed to hearing.
But he just kept going.
He kept going with the rest of the prayer over the meal and I was confused. OK, so maybe once in his lifetime he forgot to put those two words in his prayer. The guy does it all the time, there's bound to be some variation that I just had never noticed.
But it continued. It continued every time that I have ever heard the man pray since. It continued and every time the prayer was uttured across his tight pursed lips I would feel this emptiness...this anticipation...for this line that would never come. It's as if someone had sung the entire National Anthem and ended "Oh say does that Star Spangled Banner yet wave, o'er the land of the free." and ended right there not even acknowledgeing that we are the home of the brave. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.
And then I think I realized it. This man no longer thinks that God is merciful. He has had such a horrible time these past few years and felt so depressed and sickly and so he no longer feels the need or desire to thank the Lord our God for his mercy that my grandfather no longer sees.
I was floored.
This man who helped raise his children with incredible moral and ethical values based upon the teachings of Jesus Christ, this man who--every sunday--would teach a sunday school class on different parts of the Bible for decades, this man who baptized me, this man who has been the patriarch and cornerstone of our family no longer believes that God is merciful.
It really saddens me...it's a big blow.
And I don't know what I can do about it.
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Weekend Blues
So, I'm home for Easter. It's good to be home with family. Unfortunately, it's also kinda crazy being home with family. Since both me and my brother are not living at home anymore because we both go to college, when we're all together my dad and my brother seem to get at each other's throats. It's just an interesting combination of personalities between those two. So, I'm basically just sitting around listening to them argue with each other about things. I want to chalk it up to teenage angst or something...but he just turned nineteen; I would think that he'd be out of that phase by this point in his life. Ah well.
I also was supposed to go watch TMNT (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, for those who had a sad childhood without everyone's favourite metamorphisized karate-kicking teen-angst testudines) but it fell through. I'm going to get to watch it on Tuesday though as a sort of "after-birthday" thing with a couple of friends. I've got so much work for this up-coming week too. I really just want to sit back and relax after that wonderful trip in Washington...I really forgot all about school. But now, I've got three weeks to write a thesis on the evolution of the French language; finish off my portfolio that's due Monday (THANK GOD IT WILL BE OVER!); and a Psychology project due 8 days after that that I haven't even thought of starting.
Also, I'm starting to look for a place to live in Gainesville. It's crazy. I think sometime in May I'm going to head down to G'ville to find a condo or something. I'm excited. :D
Also, it's been super cold this weekend here. Seriously, and it's beautiful in Washington where I just left. I think bad weather is following me around or something....Although, it was beautiful and not rainy in Seattle...I guess maybe "opposite of normal" weather follows me around. It even dusted with snow last night. Craziness. Isn't this the first week of April??? Oi.
I also was supposed to go watch TMNT (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, for those who had a sad childhood without everyone's favourite metamorphisized karate-kicking teen-angst testudines) but it fell through. I'm going to get to watch it on Tuesday though as a sort of "after-birthday" thing with a couple of friends. I've got so much work for this up-coming week too. I really just want to sit back and relax after that wonderful trip in Washington...I really forgot all about school. But now, I've got three weeks to write a thesis on the evolution of the French language; finish off my portfolio that's due Monday (THANK GOD IT WILL BE OVER!); and a Psychology project due 8 days after that that I haven't even thought of starting.
Also, I'm starting to look for a place to live in Gainesville. It's crazy. I think sometime in May I'm going to head down to G'ville to find a condo or something. I'm excited. :D
Also, it's been super cold this weekend here. Seriously, and it's beautiful in Washington where I just left. I think bad weather is following me around or something....Although, it was beautiful and not rainy in Seattle...I guess maybe "opposite of normal" weather follows me around. It even dusted with snow last night. Craziness. Isn't this the first week of April??? Oi.
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