I guess I still harbor some resentment.
I didn't really think I did. And it's really not a big deal. It could be much worse. I just hadn't really thought about it for a while.
I wish there was a way to suck out all of your thoughts so you could attain some sort of 'inner peace' for just a few minutes or an hour, maybe. Although, it probably wouldn't be as nice as it sounds. And anyway, you wouldn't be able to enjoy the absence of thoughts because you had no thoughts to remember that absence....oh the paradoxes...
I'm going home tomorrow. Haven't been home in a while. I'll enjoy being with my family and relaxing. Even though my mom had to go out and buy all our presents again ::mumbles something inappropriate:: and even though I have to rewrite an entire 15 page French essay during that time, I'm still going to enjoy this.
Mike and Kat get married in like ten days. It's got to be a crazy-nervous-anxious-exciting time for them. I know I would be. I'm really excited for them, I know they've been waiting for this for a long time.
I love that my friends are getting married and going off and having their own lives. It's exciting and new and awesome. I guess It's sort of selfish, but even though I'm excited for them, it makes me sad a little bit. It's the end of an era. They have left the realms of singlehood where they were able to just think about themselves and not have two brains making one decision (if that makes sense). So, in the same way, my relationship with them will change. I mean, not drastically, we're still going to be good friends--and I am still good friends with my other married friends--but it's a different kind of friendship and such...and you can't ever get that back.
All that to say, I'm still very excited for my friends and even though our relationships will change to some degree, that's kind of the way life goes, so yeah...
I will now list random thoughts going through my head right now (because there are oh-so-many):
--I just found the song "Let's Dance To Joy Division" by The Wombats. It's pretty cool. You should check it out.
--I am tired of thinking about women. Not that I want to change to thinking about men, lol.
--I can't decide what direction God wants me to go in.
--I hate that money is so important for living.
--Why am I getting a degree in something ridiculous?
--Living in the world without being of it is hard.
--I miss being in love. I think I forgot what it was like.
--Have I actually ever really been in love? Maybe not. Who knows.
--What is love? (Baby don't hurt me.)
--I still have a lot of packing to do (read: all of it)
--Part of me wishes I was easier at cutting ties with people.
--What is an adult, anyway?
--I've lost 20 pounds this semester. I don't feel like I have though.
--I hate that I have to write a paper over this break.
--I hate that making a choice in life is leaving behind all of the other options to never see them again. I've never been good with decisions. I want to try everything. This is a problem.
--I should get a better sleep pattern, but I don't really want to. (Hence why I am wide awake ad 12:15 and probably will be til 3 or 4 am)
--I should make this list end soon or people will stop reading this entry. (Why do I care if people read this?)
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4 comments:
I believe I will be borrowing from this post for future conversations.
Its true.
I'm not gonna lie.
This is one of my favorite posts in a while--well, unless you count that beautiful, beautiful picture about three posts down--but still. I like the list. I like the questions. I like the defining of scattered thoughts. It makes me want to sit down and do the same thing; to try to put on paper the questions and ideas and uncertainties and random bits of thoughtfulness that are twisted up inside.
Hmm.
At any rate, I liked this post, and the snippets of where you are. Enjoy your time at home, and your time at Mike & Kat's wedding--and congratulations on both the twenty pounds and on finishing a semester of grad school! :)
you are the man.
It's ok to get a degree in something ridiculous, I recently discovered that all I've ever wanted is a degree in "Irish Studies" seriously, Matt, French is FAR more useful, in fact, unlike "Irish Studies" it's a degree actually availible in America.
As far as your other thoughts, I have too many of my own to address those... like "What if I just stay in Miami?..." It's literally been plaguing me since the day I arrived here... sure I've complained, but I don't think I'd actually hate to stay here... Thoughts like these scare me at the moment...
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