Actually, I kind of hate Waffle House

Many thoughts.

I'm a generally pensive kind of guy, but there are these moods I normally get in that are kind of nearly-depressing/emo/serious pensive moods that I get into about once a month or so. I like those moods though. Even though I described them rather unamiably.

Today however, is a bit different. I've just got a bunch of things running through my mind and I'm thinking about a ton of different things...but it's not quite the same. I don't know how to describe that any better....which makes it ridiculous to write in a blog, but that's just the way it is.

I haven't been very good at talking recently, nothing comes out like I want it to. They should just make a way to communicate feelings through a direct internet upload/download system or something. Life would be a lot easier.

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So Mike and Kat got married this past weekend. I love that couple. I love them...both individually, and as one. I am so blessed and thankful that they are in my life. I kept telling them how excited I was and how I love those two and how awesome it was that they were married...but everytime I said it it never seemed to do justice to what I actually felt. Hurm. Words are ridiculous (which is why I spend all of my time studying them.....irony?)

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I had a good long talk with Drew at the Bachelor's Party. I'm glad we got to talk. I really didn't get to know him that well until my last two years of college and really my last year of college. But I've really come to love him and Nicole (his wife). It's really kind of a shame that our lives are splitting in so many directions. We're trying to make sure we spend a good amount of time with each other at least once a year.

It was crazy seeing the mass of people at the wedding and pre-wedding festivities that I hadn't seen in ages. So this is what growing up is like. Crazy.

I'm pretty sure that Mike, Drew, and Micah (and their respective spouses/future-spouses) and I should know each other for the rest of our lives and keep in contact. These people are amazing.

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It's weird that I've traveresed three different worlds in the past three days. Being with my parents and family completely without interaction with the outside world for a few days was good, I do love my family. Then I went and saw all of my best friends from college and my best friend get married to his beautiful and wonderful wife. And it was a kind of surreal experience in many ways. Then I came to Gainesville, my new home, and hung out with nearly everyone I know here and love here.

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And now, some random thoughts, as that seems to be the trend:
-I talked way too much about emotions in this post, I blame it on the surge of estrogen I've been exposed to in the past few days.

-I definitely need to learn when to stop talking. I have told Mary far too much.

-There are still some things that my mind has not fully found closure on. That bugs me.

-God is ridiculous.

-I've been using the word ridiculous way too much in the past few months.

-I'm not sure how I feel about my party planning being hijacked by my ex-girlfriend. It doesn't really bother me, it just seems weird.

-I need to fly somewhere far away. Just for a bit.

-I'm glad that my electric bill is for the first time under 90$...in fact, a lot less.

-I am not excited to write this paper in the next few days.

-I got a calendar with pictures of Paris and a typography book from Jamie for Christmas. Yes, I'm a dork, but it's totally awesome.

-I also got a lot of practical stuff for Christmas, which is fine by me, I'm glad to get them.

-I was sad that I was not able to be as giving because of financial means this Christmas.

-I am saddened for a friend of mine whom I wish I could be there for more, because I know he needs it.

-I'm trying to learn to have Gainesville be my home...even if it's just a home for right now.

-Love is amazing.

-There are days when I really can't wait to be with the one I'm going to marry. And there are others where I think it's probably never going to happen. I've been doing better at thinking less.

-Still a lot of unanswered questions. I think most of these will probably stay that way until the Big Guy decides to let us all in on His secrets.

-I miss my old church...or what I nostalgically remember my old church being when I was younger.

-Love is hard.

-This post is way too long and scattered (smothered, covered, and capped).

The directions this blog entry will go in are astounding...

I guess I still harbor some resentment.

I didn't really think I did. And it's really not a big deal. It could be much worse. I just hadn't really thought about it for a while.

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I wish there was a way to suck out all of your thoughts so you could attain some sort of 'inner peace' for just a few minutes or an hour, maybe. Although, it probably wouldn't be as nice as it sounds. And anyway, you wouldn't be able to enjoy the absence of thoughts because you had no thoughts to remember that absence....oh the paradoxes...

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I'm going home tomorrow. Haven't been home in a while. I'll enjoy being with my family and relaxing. Even though my mom had to go out and buy all our presents again ::mumbles something inappropriate:: and even though I have to rewrite an entire 15 page French essay during that time, I'm still going to enjoy this.

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Mike and Kat get married in like ten days. It's got to be a crazy-nervous-anxious-exciting time for them. I know I would be. I'm really excited for them, I know they've been waiting for this for a long time.

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I love that my friends are getting married and going off and having their own lives. It's exciting and new and awesome. I guess It's sort of selfish, but even though I'm excited for them, it makes me sad a little bit. It's the end of an era. They have left the realms of singlehood where they were able to just think about themselves and not have two brains making one decision (if that makes sense). So, in the same way, my relationship with them will change. I mean, not drastically, we're still going to be good friends--and I am still good friends with my other married friends--but it's a different kind of friendship and such...and you can't ever get that back.
All that to say, I'm still very excited for my friends and even though our relationships will change to some degree, that's kind of the way life goes, so yeah...

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I will now list random thoughts going through my head right now (because there are oh-so-many):
--I just found the song "Let's Dance To Joy Division" by The Wombats. It's pretty cool. You should check it out.
--I am tired of thinking about women. Not that I want to change to thinking about men, lol.
--I can't decide what direction God wants me to go in.
--I hate that money is so important for living.
--Why am I getting a degree in something ridiculous?
--Living in the world without being of it is hard.
--I miss being in love. I think I forgot what it was like.
--Have I actually ever really been in love? Maybe not. Who knows.
--What is love? (Baby don't hurt me.)
--I still have a lot of packing to do (read: all of it)
--Part of me wishes I was easier at cutting ties with people.
--What is an adult, anyway?
--I've lost 20 pounds this semester. I don't feel like I have though.
--I hate that I have to write a paper over this break.
--I hate that making a choice in life is leaving behind all of the other options to never see them again. I've never been good with decisions. I want to try everything. This is a problem.
--I should get a better sleep pattern, but I don't really want to. (Hence why I am wide awake ad 12:15 and probably will be til 3 or 4 am)
--I should make this list end soon or people will stop reading this entry. (Why do I care if people read this?)

Do I have to create a title?

I'm not tired.


Maybe it's because I had about four cups of coffee only like 7 hours ago.


Maybe it's because I've been waking up pretty late the past couple of days.


Maybe it's because I've got a lot running through my mind.


Hurm.

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It was good going to small group tonight. It's been a long time since I've had some sort of church-like community to be a part of. I miss it. I also like that I'm getting to know more people here. I feel a little weird, like I'm jumping into someone else's community, but I'm very welcomed. I guess if they don't want me they should be more forceful about it, lol.

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I've been thinking about some things recently. Well mainly one thing. (Sidenote: I tend to think a lot about things and then once I've gathered my thoughts well enough--or coherently enough--I generally talk about them...but it takes time with me, I guess. I think it's frustrated people in the past, but that's just a part of who I am....) I don't know if I should be thinking about it or leaving it alone. But the thought creeps into my mind from time to time anyway....I'm not sure what to do about it.


If none of that made sense to you, don't worry, I'm not sure it made sense to me. I'm just thinking aloud (thinking on paper? digitally? Well, you get the expression, I hope).

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I really want to play racquetball. Someone in this town has to play....

'Cause There's Just Too Many Scenarios To Analyze...

Today started out OK, I suppose.

I don't really know what happened.

Right now, however, I am feeling crappy.

I've been thinking far too much about where I'm going to live next year, how I'm going to survive living next year, why in the world a friend of mine from Berry thinks that Satan was the reason a group of us friends no longer hang out, how the crap this relationship with Maggie is going to work, how much it sucks being apart and how much that will be for the next year or so.

Gah, I'm done thinking. ever.

In other news I'll be thinking about housing all week as I will be leaving for Gainesville early tomorrow morning and coming back Sunday. Horray. :|

Here comes the rain again...

I feel very Seattle-ish today. I'm sitting in front of a computer doing work, drinking my third cup of coffee (and it's only 10:40am!) and looking out my office window at the green trees and the sprinkling rain in overcast skies.

It's good that it's raining. It hasn't rained here in a long time and we're in a pretty bad drought with some water restrictions. I mean, no where near as bad as the drought they have going on in Australia, but still. Not to mention that it's just refreshing...

Days like this tend to make me very reflective and very pensive. I'm never sure if that's a good thing or not. I have been known to overthink things a bit too much...but I have yet to be convinced how bad that really is.

Something curious is that overthinking tends to make me think about Maggie and Seattle also. Both of us sitting at Kerry Park on Queen Anne looking down at the night skyline talking about overthinking amongst a myriad of other things. I really didn't expect anything to come of it, especially nothing that has gone this far.

I suppose I'm just pleasantly surprised.

Here comes the rain again
falling on my head like a memory
falling on my head like a new emotion...