Updates Galore

OK, so in lieu of writing out an entire entry on how I should blog more and how it's been a long time since I last wrote anything on here and how I really should try harder to write more, I am finishing this paragraph and considering that enough on the subject.

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I'm going to Haiti soon. I, honestly, totally forget about the fact that I am leaving the country to go somewhere unlike anywhere I have ever been to do something....well, something. It's not that I am not excited. I very much am. But I do not really understand what I will be doing there. I want to help. I want to be useful. I am just not sure how. I am not too worried, though. God will use me somehow (right?).

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I have received a few replies from the ridiculous number (35) of applications I currently have floating out there on the desks of assistant principals across this country. Two rejections. I'm ok with it though, I really didn't want to work in those two places, they were more back-ups than anything. (Seriously.) It's still quite early.

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And now, to keep readers more interested. A random picture:

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I will be moving in a few months. It is pretty much (99.9%) fact. This is incredibly exciting because I love going to new places and meeting new people and seeing different culture and travelling. I am also, sometimes, incredibly worried that it will all be a big mistake. I have so many other friends and family members...can I leave them behind? should I leave them behind? will they leave me behind? can I handle that?

These are questions I don't have (and sometimes am not sure if I want) the answers to.

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It actually really bothers me that I ended that last sentence in a preposition. But there is no way that I am going to write "...to which I do not have (and sometimes am not sure if I want) answers." It undermines the entire style of this entry. :sigh: Linguistic dilemmas.

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I have one final exam and one thesis standing between me and the end of my quaternary education. I can see the end, but I just can't bring myself to finish it. Procrastination is a temptuous mistress.

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I miss late-night discussions on important (and ridiculous) things and themes. They were rampant in my earlier years of college. Now they have dwindled. I wonder if this is something I should accept, or something I can actively change.

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I wonder that about a lot of (re: most) things. Is the path I am idly sliding down something that I should learn to accept or something that I should actively try and change.


Hurm.

Spring Break is for Stress

Applying for jobs is a stressful and almost painful process. You see, because I am dealing with two of our wonderful institutions that we all have grown to love: Education and Government. Because they are so intertwined they have made it the most impossible process to streamline any sort of way of finding a job, applying for a job, or getting a job.

Do you want to know what the salary will be like? Good luck finding it on their website.

Do you want to know if they are offering jobs? You might as well just check every single individual school district's website (and good luck navigating those!)

Do you want to submit your application? Oh, well everyone wants THEIR specific application filled out tediously online with tiny little forms or Word Documents that you have to erase blank spaces and fill out or PDFs that are not filloutable (Yes, I made up a word, I've got a degree in linguistics, I can do it.)

I am so tired of writing down the same exact things over and over and over again.

I'm also paranoid that I will not find a job at all. The massive amounts of layoffs for teachers that are going on and cutbacks in government budgets. I heard Marion County laid off 500 teachers and Duval county is cutting school days by 45 minutes and lowering the amount of credits that are required to graduate in order to cut elective classes. That's just two counties.

So, I have 19 applications out there in 11 states currently just floating around and hoping one will stick. Most are in California, Missouri, and South Carolina. I'm really hoping that I'll end up in a place I like. I know it will work out wherever I am and I can be used wherever I am...

Anyway, job hunt is stressful. And now I have to study for my Masters Comps for Monday and Tuesday. If I don't pass. No degree and all was for naught. woo. :

So it seems I have abandoned my blog for over two months. Life has been...busy. That's probably the most accurate word to describe the past few months, you know, if I was forced at gun-point to give a bisyllabic one-word response that sums up my life since last internet posting.

Turns out, this is not one of those situations. Therefore, I think I'll expand upon this.


My current thought that runs through my head constantly is this:

Holy crap. I have no idea what I am doing.

Call it what you will: graduating, growing up, becoming an adult, the MA version of senioritis, quarter-life crisis (although, assuming I live to be 96 is probably a bit presumptious of me at this point).

I have all these plans, these ideas, these dreams. Exciting things. Interesting things. Wild things. (you make my heart sing?). And yet, there is a somewhat gnawing fear that I will not accomplish any of these plans; none of these dreams will come to fruition.

So it's perhaps an exaggeration that NONE of these ideas and plans will come through. And besides, I can be perfectly happy with a lot of outcomes. Sure, there are cities that I would love to live in, but I can be happy in other places...and there is a lot out there I do not know.

But that's just it. I do not know. My life is near a precipice and I'm about to jump off. There's no turning back. Nor do I want to turn back. The exciting adventure of jumping off and seeing where I end up....the incredible rush of changing scenery and new possibilities is entrancing. But it's all new and unknown. With this exciting unknown comes a whole host of scary possibilities that are creeping up in the back of my mind.

There are more thoughts, but I can't figure out how to word them. Maybe I'll bring it up later when I have the words.

This year there is a lot to be thankful for.
Right now, it's just 4 days until Thanksgiving and I've had a day surrounded by amazing new friends and old friends. I will soon get to see more old friends and some family. There are parts of me that are changing and growing. Parts of me that are learning and persevering. Parts of me that are loving.

I keep trying to express my thoughts concisely, but I cannot think of a good way (shocker, I know);


God is good.

Wisdom. Strength. Courage.

There has been a lot of change.



It's really kinda interesting to see how the past month has progressed (wow, has it only been just over a month since I have been back from Paris?). I can't say it has all 100% been great, but there has been a lot of good...but there has also been some rough times. It's been a joy, though, to persevere through those rough times. I'm not even sure if that makes sense to anyone else, but it's how I feel.

The future is weird. Part of me would like to know what is going on and part of me thinks that would spoil the surprise of getting there and make me not live in the moment. It's like, I'd love to see how this book, movie, tv-show, whatever ends....but if I just knew the end, the adventure of reading/watching it would no longer be exciting.

I have amazing friends. I am way blessed. I do not deserve them.

Also, God is pretty freaking awesome too. Definitely don't deserve that.

But, regardless, I am glad that they are all part of my life.


Yes.

Ups and Downs, But I'm looking ahead.

So now it's that time again. End of August. End of Summer. Well, maybe just the end of the 'Idea of Summer'.

School is back in full-swing. It's almost like I never left.

Except I did.

And things changed (don't they always?).

But I'm ok with that. Change can be good. It can be great. It can be scary. It can be all of the above.

I have so many reasons to be thankful.

Although, I re-did my budget for the next 11 months and the gas and food price hike is kind of killing me. Also some things that popped up that I did not expect. Also I miscalculated last time I did a huge re-haul (3 or 4 months ago) and somehow, now, after double-, triple-, quadruple-checking, I am 500$ short from where I thought I once was. Oops. Not a great mistake to make.

Not so thankful for that, but it will work out.

Alright, I guess I should start working and get back into school mode.

Gainesville->Paris->London->Atlanta->Smoky Mountains->Savannah->Pensacola->Daytona->Gainesville

So, I didn't update as much in this blog as I would have liked.

I think I shall bullet point some interesting tidbits about the past two months and you all can just bring them up with me if you would like to know about it. It has been a crazy past two months. That is for sure:

• Evil EWR
• Missing Three trains
• The lady at the Eurostar counter
• Sitting in the Tip-Down Seat for 3 hours
• Meeting an awesome old British couple
• My accent changing way too many times
• Feeling oddly 'at home' instantly in Paris when I got into the Métro at Gare du Nord
• Meeting my landlord and finding the only French people who don't drink café
• Living in the smallest space I have ever lived in
• A toilet being in a shower
• A bed that is stored in the ceiling
• French junkmail
• The Postal Service on the super-fast moving sidewalk in the Montparnasse Station
• Getting to know the crazy and awesome staff at the PRC
• French Rock Radio
• My students
• Ridiculous stories about what other students did
• Beignets
• Playing Tour-guide for Joe and his parents
• The Blue Eiffel Tower
• Belleville Park
• The search for slouchy
• Michelle came to visit
• Bastille Day in the Bois de Boulogne and on the Champ de Mars
• Drinking on the Champ
• Cafe Cremes with Joe and Tom in Normandy
• The best croissants in the world
• deux pains au chocolat
• Qu'est-ce tu fais tous les jours?
• The markets
• The best strawberries in the world
• The photo exposition
• Getting to know the staff well
• Helping to pull the program together
• Louay's
• Dinner with my old host family
• The most ridiculous cell phone game ever
• The almost-smart-car-adventure
• Chinatowns
• Telling off the people on Montmartre
• Dr. N trying to explain to the Italians that they already were in Montmartre
• Dr. N's explanations
• Laura's visit
• The 1200$ worth of texting
• French Starbucks and Service and the ridiculous around St Mich/St Germ/Odéon
• très sexy
• No scrubs
• My love for the métro
• The NaviGO
• Making lamb
• A Microsoft Publisher Nightmare / Does anyone know about technology?
• That bloody 80s song that got stuck in my head for a week thanks to Laura
• Sleeping on a tile floor for a week
• Leaving France via train and feeling like I've left another home
• The Not-Nearly-As-Awesome Tube in London
• The London Eye
• Big Ben (cooler than you think)
• Mussels and Beer with Laura
• Crazy nights at the hostel
• British Television
• London is the most expensive city ever
• Wandering in London
• An American giving directions to French people in a British accent in a city he's spent a total of 30 hours in.
• Knowing more about London and how to get around than any other tourist I met.
• The tower of London guide who was amazing
• The longest ride home sitting in the back seat of the smallest plane ever.
• Family time
• Camping in the Smokies
• Tubing on the rapids....Thrice
• Getting stung by a hornet....Thrice
• Pop 5 ninjas
• Killing a hornet with a frying pan
• Building and Cooking on a real fire
• S'mores
• : sigh : Yes, I am was boyscout, lol
• Sleeping in BunkBeds with Micah again (this happens too often)
• Beautiful mountains
• Driving slowly for others to catch up :P
• Taking 3 routes to get to the waterfall
• Creek walking
• Mary was hardcore
• Crêpes in the morning with bananas and peaches flambées (flambeee for micah)
• Tons of games with awesome people
• The hot tub
• Lots of alcohol without anyone being drunk
• Funny southern accents
• Wineries in Tennessee
• "What are apple fritters?"
• Forgetting Godfrey
• Sweet-Tea-less restaurant in Asheville
• The chocolate store
• Amazing architecture and renovation plans
• Drives through the mountains
• Savannah River ice cream and talkss
• Jellyfish in Pensacola
• Surprising Mobile
• Sunburnt on the beach with a good book
• Tons of seafood and relaxation with family
• Sleeping in my own bed again

My summer was ridiculous, yes that was a long list. Most will not read it. But it was two months of amazingness that I would not trade...even through some of the rough times. "Without the sour, the sweet wouldn't taste..."

Paris Prepares People Phor Pensive Ponderings

So I kind of cheated on the title. Forgive me.

Also, I wanted to make a long entry about all the things I have learned since being in Paris. Away from the constant attraction of the internet. Away from friends and family. Outside of the ability to be easy-to-reach. Paris is not quite the Negev, but nonetheless there have been many thoughts and ideas that have come clearer to my mind.

When I have more time, I'd hope to share them. I'd prefer in person, but that's sometimes a bit difficult.

: whew :

Has it only been five days since I got here?

Wow.

It already feels like it's been two weeks.

The trip over was quite exhausting. Thursday after I taught I went up with my brother and mother to pick up my father in Jacksonville. We went out to dinner that night at The Landing, drove home, frantically did some last minute packing, and went to bed around 2am. We woke up at 7am, I got to Orlando just fine, flew up to Newark and here the fun began.

It was a five-hour layover anyway, I was expecting it, but I had some books to read and Drew's iPod (a.k.a. 2nd Saviour). I was starving (a chicken biscuit at 7am was not doing it for me by 1pm) and so I grab some WAY overly expensive food while watching France get the tar beaten out of them by the Dutch in soccer...er...football (Seriously? The DUTCH? oi).

After that I went to my assigned gate. Then I found out my gate changed...and then it changed again...then it was delayed....then changed gate again...then delayed again...then delayed...then gate change...then delay. FINALLY, we get on board (9 hours after I had arrived in the beautiful city of Newark) and we are 41st in line to leave. Yes, forty-one. There were, somehow, on a beautiful bluebird sky without clouds, forty-one other planes in line to leave the airport. Something tells me there is a management problem....but whatever, I got a free 5$ alcoholic beverage on the plane for my troubles. That makes up for it, right?

So, we get into London at the exact time that my train leaves. Perfect timing! Except now I have to take the 30 minute train ride into downtown London, switch at Paddington onto the Circle line and take it two stations down to St. Pancras/Kings Cross. I navigated the tube fine (even though it was experiencing technical difficulties, of course) and made my way to the station. I had missed my train, the next train, and the one after that. Luckily, the lady I told my story to at the Eurostar office let me not have to buy a full ticket, instead just one for 50£ (100$). The downside? It's a full train so I have to sit in a tip-up seat in the hallway between the traincars...for two and a half hours. I eventually get to Paris, take the two subway rides to my stop, and find the guy who owns my flat. He and his wife are very very nice, invited me in, gave me something to drink, and we had a little chat in their place before he showed me around the area and how to get to my studio. I put my stuff away, said goodbye to the guy and went in search of some food. Found something cheap and crashed. I had to get up early the next morning for orientation though.

The people at the Paris Research Centre (PRC) are very nice and it's a really nice place, too. They have, however, kept us quite busy. There are about 20ish students taking various classes. We've travelled around with them to Montmartre, the Quartier Latin, Montparnasse, the Tour Eiffel, and various other places. We've done quite a bit of walking, lol. Teaching is going well and I haven't had much time to myself until last night when I finally got to go grocery shopping.

I'm just finally settling in here though, the dust of new arrivals has settled and we're getting into a nice rhythm. Friday we are going out to Giverny (where Monet did most of his work) and Saturday out to Versailles with the whole group. It should be interesting. I haven't had any time to go on photo adventures, but I've taken some here and there. Hopefully I'll be able to upload some of them soon.

Anyway, that's my life at the moment. How's yours?

Celebrate Departure!

So I only have 12 days left until I am gone for two months.

In honour of my departure, I would like to invite you all to participate in (thus far) three events of awesomeness:

1. This Friday evening. Party at my place. It's just an excuse to hang out. Come.

2. This Saturday morning. Tubing down the Ichetucknee. Who's up for it?

3. Sometime during the (next) week. (Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday) My mother and brother will be down and we could all possibly have dinner one day. Who's up for that?

It's weird to think I am even leaving. I wonder when this will start feeling real?

Updates

It's the third week of Summer semester. I am enjoying the lack of major responsibilities, but I feel like I have way too much free time on my hands.

There are less than three weeks left before I leave for Paris. WOAH. Crazy. It doesn't seem so close.

I have had two weeks and I have done pretty much nothing research-wise. I guess I should start sometime.

I will have occasional computer access in Paris, but not my own computer...so I will be available quite rarely.

I have a new chair for my room. It is wonderful. Totally worth the money. Thanks to those who helped make this possible.

I had a good time in Orlando with some awesome friends. A couple of frustrations came out...but it's all good now.

I have a feeling this week will be good. :)

Bullet lists are how my mind works.

It has been a pretty good week thus far.

Highlights:

• Working one hour and fifteen minutes a week. Well, there is more work than that, but that's all that I have to do that is scheduled
• Finally figuring out how I'm getting paid for Paris
• Made smoothies with Mary
• Had lunch with Stauffer at a new place I'd never been to before
• Had lunch with Leah for super-cheap (thanks raffle tickets!)
• Today's rainy gloom...even though it's still quite warm and feels like Florida, it was a nice relief.
• Lunch with Stauffer's mom (and THE WORLD) on Sunday
• Mike Patz's sermon on stewardship (and the thoughts it provoked in my mind I may one day get to on here.)
• Opening a savings account.
• My students all making As and Bs on their exams
• New beginnings.
• Better understanding of myself.
• A sense of change and peace simultaneously. Not sure how that works but it is good.

It's interesting the things people say that stick with us...

Sometimes I think I would like to have more comments on this blog. Not for the sake of going, "Oh, look how many comments I have! Look how many people love me!" (Love is not measureable in blog comments...nor should one try to do so.) I think mainly I just want to get some feedback.

This blog is sometimes used for an outlet of expression, but it's also a place to put forth my ideas and my thoughts. In college, I often got feedback from people either through comments in an online blog or being able to just hang out while throwing out ideas or thoughts about whatever crossed our minds. Sometimes it'd even turn into an argument or a debate. I got a call from a college friend yesterday and, over the course of our conversation, she lamented on the fact that sometimes people just don't want to throw these thoughts and ideas around and debate and argue over them. We all argued and debated constantly throughout college. It was hardly ever in anger, it was just a way we figured things out. Put forth ideas, hash through them, figure stuff out.

Sometimes it was typical collegiate subjects in academia: How many dimensions are there? Is Cartesian philosophy really flawed? Are we more controlled by nature or nurture?

Sometimes it was typical subjects of people in their late-teens and early-twenties: Why are women so confusing? What is love exactly? What am I going to do for the rest of my life?

But it was always in good fun and never caused a rupture in our friendships. In fact, we were probably stronger for it.

I'm not sure I get the same vibe in Gainesville.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not down on Gainesville (I love the people that are here), but a lot of times I see an avoidance of conflict of any kind from people and some placation instead of any debate or figuring out things. It's not like people never argue or have debates over things...but it's a different vibe. It's not a bad thing, just...different people, I guess.

But perhaps I'm wrong. Perhaps it's not Gainesville. Perhaps it's just because we all lived within close quarters of each other and therefore the opportunities to just chill and chat were far more numerous. And because we were so used to acting that way around each other, when we hang out now post-college, we tend to revert to that type of talking....so I tend to only relate it to these people and that time of my life.

I dunno, I think I got off topic (most assuredly). At any rate, this wasn't a plea for more comments; it's not a complaint about anything, either--just a release of my thoughts.

I definitely talk a lot.

Hurm.

I can't seem to make up my mind about anything recently. This is not a good.

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I wonder how much your environment really alters yourself. I spent a week up in Atlanta and it was weird how I kind of reverted back to some of my old habits that I used to have when living with my parents. Not necessarily bad things, but just different. I found that I was also a lot less stressed about some things. I think that's good. Although, as soon as I got back into Gainesville, it's ridiculous how the stress kind of weighed itself back on me. It wasn't as bad, but it was quite different. My thoughts focused on different things up there than they did down here. I can't quite explain it, but I felt...different. I don't know what that means. I don't know if it's good or bad. I don't really know much of anything about it. Just....thought it was interesting.

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OK. I think I'm done with this entry. I was about to get all emotional and expose more of myself than I think is probably wise.

Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps.

So, I survived Finals.

Huzzahs all around.

It was a lot of work, I'm not going to lie, a lot of work. I probably could have done a little better than I did. But it was a lot at once. Ah well, it's over for now. After Finals, I was looking forward to the smooth sailing of the summer.

Oh, Matthew. How naïve you are! Life doesn't work like that. Have you not learned from life before? Perhaps you should take a class in history at Matt U.

Perhaps.

After finals I had tons and tons of grading to do. I also had a meeting I had to go to concerning my summer teaching at UF. I was still quite busy for some time, but it wasn't as stressful, which was good. I then went to the meeting and found out my original plans for the summer--which I had stressed about all semester in trying to get perfectly aligned and tried to let everyone know what was going on and not go behind people's backs--were now impossible. The teachers said they don't think it is a good idea and I had to choose between teaching the first half of the summer at UF or teaching the second half of the summer in Paris.

After a lot of debating and discussing with friends and my parents about what the best choice would be, I had not yet come to a decision. There were lots of things to consider: money, time, the ability of each program to replace me, what God might want me to do (if he even has a preference), etc. I was leaning on teaching at UF and then I got a call this morning though, from Paris, telling me that they really would like me to come to Paris and not teach at UF. The director in Paris also tried to talk to the head of the RomLang Dept and ask him to reconsider his decision. Perhaps he might change his mind.

Perhaps.

It turns out we all found a compromise that we could agree upon and I am now able to do both. This is very very good. It's also pretty awesome. I am excited.

So now, I am able to relax much more at home with my family and my friends. I'm going to see Michael, Kathryn, Nicole, & Drew tomorrow. It's going to be pretty sweet. I'm excited to see them. I'll get to see Becca on Friday and hang with Drew (from Gainesville) and Matt Stauffer when they come through too and show them Atlanta. It'll be pretty sweet. I'm excited.

Much less stressful now, which is good. I still have a kink in my back from my crappy chair I sat in way too much during finals week for typing the 50ish pages I wrote for school. But I'm hoping that goes away soon. There are a few things else on my mind, but a lot of them have been eased with the fact that a friend of mine helped me realize that just because you are being patient, does not mean you are not making a decision. Patience is an active decision, it's not laziness. It's something I will hopefully learn to handle well over the summer. That's my goal. God's not finished with me, yet, it seems. Perhaps I'll finally get it. Or, at least I'll be on my way.

Perhaps.

Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps.

Like a bee.

Whew.

This past weekend was pretty much chockablock. I wrote my final paper for my much loathed Second Language Acquisition class. Submitted that. Went to Kristi's amazing art show. Enjoyed hanging out with my friends and seeing all the fruit of Kristi's labour. Then I went to a party and just hung with some people....'twas fun. Saturday I slept and took kind of a personal day. I've haven't been sleeping very well recently either. I dunno what it is. Maybe it's stress. Maybe it's the fact that I'm sharing a bed with a laundry basket. (How depressing.) Maybe it's the fact that I have 8 million and 1 things on my mind--of which 7 million of them are ridiculous and shouldn't even be on my mind. Oh well.

Today I have to write a 15 page-paper. Tuesday I have to write another one. Wednesday I proctor an exam. Grade the exams. Turn in the grades. Go to a meeting on Thursday and at some point, my mother wants me to come home via Columbus so I can pick up my brother. Oi. Busy busy.

So, I suppose I should go do those things that I need to do. I'm sure I'll be back here procrastinating later.

So, after a frustrating end to yesterday, I'm back to feeling strangely calm. I still have a lot to do, but it seems like a more conquerable mountain. I am not sure how my grades will actually end up (hopefully all passing...what happened to being scared of not getting an A? When did 'C' become a goal?) but I am not worried.

I don't know how it works: I worry a lot, but I'm not really a worrier. I think the fact that I can't really continue to worry about something for a long time causes me to consistently re-worry about things. I don't know if that makes sense.

So here's the breakdown:

1. Tonight (Tuesday): Write take-home final exam (4 questions, not very hard looking) for Phonetics.
2. Wednesday: Last day of classes, turn in Final I wrote the night before.
3. Thursday: Lost & The Office (HECK YES!)...plus, maybe some writing of a 10-pg paper
4. Friday: Writing that 10-pg paper I said I was going to write the day before. Submit it online by midnight.
5. Saturday: Nothing but sleeping-in and hanging-out (and other present participles with hyphenated prepositions)
6. Sunday: Church, God-Time, Small-Group, Writing a 15-page paper
7. Monday: Turning in 15-page paper. Writing another 15 page paper
8. Tuesday: Continuing to write that 15 page paper....and procrastinating
9. Wednesday: 7h30 Final Exam for my students, then lots of grading, then turning in that last paper and I'm done.

So it seems like alot...and it is...but it'll all work out.

w00t.

Content.

I'm feeling oddly positive.

But that's ok.

I've finished my last powerpoint presentation for this semester. (Yes!)

I have three more days of school and a lot to do in those days. But I'm feeling ok about it all. The three final paper, two exams, 75 compositions to grade, and 25 exams to grade seem like an actually conquerable mountain.

So...yay. That's good.

I had a good weekend. Busy, but it was good. AFAC went well and it was a great cause. Now I know what people are talking about since I wasn't at the last one. I hope we do another one in the fall. Saturday was also quite enjoyable with art gallery opening and hanginging out with awesome people. Today was kind of a personal day. Much needed and I got some stuff done for school. It was good.

So now, I'm (re-)watching the last episode of The Office and ready to go to bed content.

:)

This works on so many levels right now.

Freedom is a powerful thing.


But it comes with a price.


One must ask oneself: is freedom worth the price? Is it possible to sacrifice only a little for some freedom and still be content? Or are we made as human beings to desire pure freedom?

I think pure freedom might scare us.

But man, it sounds wonderful.

Pensive.

So I know I have 5 pages to write tonight, but I can't seem to get started. So I am going to procrastinate further by writing a blog entry. Don't you feel special.

Random thoughts currently going through my head:

• I bought new deodorant yesterday. It is a scent i have never tried before. I don't know if I like it.
• Sometimes I wish I had a laptop, sometimes I'm glad I have a desktop. Too bad I can't have both? lol
• I have very little due this week (one presentation), but I am behind on a few things, so this week feels really busy.
• The semester is almost over, Hallelujah.
• My friends in Gainesville are awesome. How did I come to deserve them? Wait, I don't. But that's cool that they are my friends anyway.
• I have this desire to be purely honest with everyone about everything. But I'm afraid it will come back and kick me in the arse.
• It's crazy the differences your life can be in after just one year. I wonder what the differences will be next year?

"Arrache-moi la tête, que je ne puisse savoir."