It messes with my head

There's been something on my mind recently--as in the past two months or so--and I've never really been able to put it down into words. I guess now's as good a time as ever.


I don't care about the poor.


Now, please don't get me wrong. I don't mean that I despise poor people and I wish they would all die a fiery death. Nor would I immediately kick one of them in the shin if someone came up to me and said "I'm poor!" That's now what I mean at all. Let me (try to) explain...

I have so many friends who have a heart for the poor, the homeless, the afflicted--so to speak. I hear their desires to clothe the naked, feed the hungry, shelter the homeless, and generally aid the poor and downtrod. I am in awe of their desires, sometimes so strong, full of so much sympathy for these people. I have friends who go off to far away countries to bring help to the "Third World". I have friends who do incredible work in inner-cities for those underprivileged that are in our own backyards. I have friends who have great ideas and ambitions and love and hope and passion for these people.

And I find myself asking myself, What's wrong with me? Why don't I have this same passion? Should I?

I've heard and read so much about how as a follower of Jesus Christ we're supposed to love everyone and help the poor, feed the hungry, clothe the naked, etc. etc. I can have verses cited to me all day long, but I don't know. Maybe I'm messed up? Maybe I just don't get it? Maybe things haven't clicked yet (or never will)? But I don't have this passion. It's not what I care about and I'm left here wondering if I should be fighting this, if the fact that I am surrounded by so many friends and acquaintances with this passion that maybe I am supposed to have a similar passion?

But maybe it's just me? Maybe I'm just surounded by an inordinate number of people who care about the poor. Maybe that's not supposed to be something passionate for me. But then, this could be construed as moral/ethical relativism....

I don't know.

I actually came out of this post more confused than I went in and I don't think I got to clearly say what I really feel. Words never do justice.

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On a different note, I felt like I just needed a day to reconnect with God. It was just and me and God day....at least, that's what it was supposed to be...it didn't really turn out anything like I wanted it to be. Kind of depressing actually...but not in a way that is easily expressed in words.

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I have a lot of other thoughts running through my head, but I think I'll just leave them in there.....

Florida: Sunshine State or Humidity State?

I am sick and tired of this weather.

Seriously, look at this.

The weather outlook for the next ten days is (as it has been for the past two months) either scattered or isolated showers with highs near 90 degrees and lows rarely dipping below 70.

Seriously.

And don't even get me started on the humidity.....

It should not be 70+% humidity EVERY DAY ALL DAY LONG!

Comme l'épisode de la Madelaine....

It's quiet in here.

All I hear is the hum of the computer, the intense jingle the keys of this "QuietKey" Keyboard is making, and occasional whispers in the next room.

But this is quiet.


Normally, when I'm in the TA Office I am one of at least two other people in the room and we have a conversation about something. Today no one else is in here. I am able to sit and think silently alone and it is rather refreshing.

Not that I don't get enough alone time. I spend quite a bit of my time at home alone. But this is different somehow.

I'm never going back from dark roast coffee. I stopped by Einstein Bros Bagel Co. at the HUB to get a coffee because the line at Starbucks was too long (and because I was hoping for something cheaper). I spotted the Euro-French Dark Roasted Coffee and decided to give it a whirl.

Immediately, as my tongue touched the bittersweet coffee, I remembered how much I love Dark Roast.

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On a completely different note, I actually enjoy reading Proust but can't seem to find the motivation to read something that someone is requiring me to read. I just don't get it.

I wish I could teach more and take less classes. Actually, if I could just teach and take the classes I wanted, I'd be ok with that too. In fact, I'd be more than OK, I'd be ecstatic. But, as they say, c'est la vie.

Awe

In my room I have this huge window on the back wall. It's probably 6' x 6'. When it's rainding--or severe thunderstorming, as it is now--outside my window, I love watching the rain fall and the wind blow. Currently, it's almost like watching a light hurricane. It's kinda cool. I love watching the rain and the thunder and the lightning...I don't know what it is about it...it's intriguing, enthralling, calming...

Woah...there went the power. The room is all dark except for the faint light outside and the glow of my computer fueled by the battery backup and surge protector.

Now it's back. The incredible power of these storms...awesome.


I used to have a screened in porch when I was a little kid living down in Florida...it was huge (well, everything was huge back then) and even then, I loved watching, listening and feeling the aewsome power of thunderstorms. Here in Florida, we get a lot. I guess that's one part of Florida weather I really do enjoy.