Updates Galore

OK, so in lieu of writing out an entire entry on how I should blog more and how it's been a long time since I last wrote anything on here and how I really should try harder to write more, I am finishing this paragraph and considering that enough on the subject.

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I'm going to Haiti soon. I, honestly, totally forget about the fact that I am leaving the country to go somewhere unlike anywhere I have ever been to do something....well, something. It's not that I am not excited. I very much am. But I do not really understand what I will be doing there. I want to help. I want to be useful. I am just not sure how. I am not too worried, though. God will use me somehow (right?).

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I have received a few replies from the ridiculous number (35) of applications I currently have floating out there on the desks of assistant principals across this country. Two rejections. I'm ok with it though, I really didn't want to work in those two places, they were more back-ups than anything. (Seriously.) It's still quite early.

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And now, to keep readers more interested. A random picture:

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I will be moving in a few months. It is pretty much (99.9%) fact. This is incredibly exciting because I love going to new places and meeting new people and seeing different culture and travelling. I am also, sometimes, incredibly worried that it will all be a big mistake. I have so many other friends and family members...can I leave them behind? should I leave them behind? will they leave me behind? can I handle that?

These are questions I don't have (and sometimes am not sure if I want) the answers to.

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It actually really bothers me that I ended that last sentence in a preposition. But there is no way that I am going to write "...to which I do not have (and sometimes am not sure if I want) answers." It undermines the entire style of this entry. :sigh: Linguistic dilemmas.

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I have one final exam and one thesis standing between me and the end of my quaternary education. I can see the end, but I just can't bring myself to finish it. Procrastination is a temptuous mistress.

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I miss late-night discussions on important (and ridiculous) things and themes. They were rampant in my earlier years of college. Now they have dwindled. I wonder if this is something I should accept, or something I can actively change.

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I wonder that about a lot of (re: most) things. Is the path I am idly sliding down something that I should learn to accept or something that I should actively try and change.


Hurm.

Spring Break is for Stress

Applying for jobs is a stressful and almost painful process. You see, because I am dealing with two of our wonderful institutions that we all have grown to love: Education and Government. Because they are so intertwined they have made it the most impossible process to streamline any sort of way of finding a job, applying for a job, or getting a job.

Do you want to know what the salary will be like? Good luck finding it on their website.

Do you want to know if they are offering jobs? You might as well just check every single individual school district's website (and good luck navigating those!)

Do you want to submit your application? Oh, well everyone wants THEIR specific application filled out tediously online with tiny little forms or Word Documents that you have to erase blank spaces and fill out or PDFs that are not filloutable (Yes, I made up a word, I've got a degree in linguistics, I can do it.)

I am so tired of writing down the same exact things over and over and over again.

I'm also paranoid that I will not find a job at all. The massive amounts of layoffs for teachers that are going on and cutbacks in government budgets. I heard Marion County laid off 500 teachers and Duval county is cutting school days by 45 minutes and lowering the amount of credits that are required to graduate in order to cut elective classes. That's just two counties.

So, I have 19 applications out there in 11 states currently just floating around and hoping one will stick. Most are in California, Missouri, and South Carolina. I'm really hoping that I'll end up in a place I like. I know it will work out wherever I am and I can be used wherever I am...

Anyway, job hunt is stressful. And now I have to study for my Masters Comps for Monday and Tuesday. If I don't pass. No degree and all was for naught. woo. :

So it seems I have abandoned my blog for over two months. Life has been...busy. That's probably the most accurate word to describe the past few months, you know, if I was forced at gun-point to give a bisyllabic one-word response that sums up my life since last internet posting.

Turns out, this is not one of those situations. Therefore, I think I'll expand upon this.


My current thought that runs through my head constantly is this:

Holy crap. I have no idea what I am doing.

Call it what you will: graduating, growing up, becoming an adult, the MA version of senioritis, quarter-life crisis (although, assuming I live to be 96 is probably a bit presumptious of me at this point).

I have all these plans, these ideas, these dreams. Exciting things. Interesting things. Wild things. (you make my heart sing?). And yet, there is a somewhat gnawing fear that I will not accomplish any of these plans; none of these dreams will come to fruition.

So it's perhaps an exaggeration that NONE of these ideas and plans will come through. And besides, I can be perfectly happy with a lot of outcomes. Sure, there are cities that I would love to live in, but I can be happy in other places...and there is a lot out there I do not know.

But that's just it. I do not know. My life is near a precipice and I'm about to jump off. There's no turning back. Nor do I want to turn back. The exciting adventure of jumping off and seeing where I end up....the incredible rush of changing scenery and new possibilities is entrancing. But it's all new and unknown. With this exciting unknown comes a whole host of scary possibilities that are creeping up in the back of my mind.

There are more thoughts, but I can't figure out how to word them. Maybe I'll bring it up later when I have the words.

This year there is a lot to be thankful for.
Right now, it's just 4 days until Thanksgiving and I've had a day surrounded by amazing new friends and old friends. I will soon get to see more old friends and some family. There are parts of me that are changing and growing. Parts of me that are learning and persevering. Parts of me that are loving.

I keep trying to express my thoughts concisely, but I cannot think of a good way (shocker, I know);


God is good.

Wisdom. Strength. Courage.

There has been a lot of change.



It's really kinda interesting to see how the past month has progressed (wow, has it only been just over a month since I have been back from Paris?). I can't say it has all 100% been great, but there has been a lot of good...but there has also been some rough times. It's been a joy, though, to persevere through those rough times. I'm not even sure if that makes sense to anyone else, but it's how I feel.

The future is weird. Part of me would like to know what is going on and part of me thinks that would spoil the surprise of getting there and make me not live in the moment. It's like, I'd love to see how this book, movie, tv-show, whatever ends....but if I just knew the end, the adventure of reading/watching it would no longer be exciting.

I have amazing friends. I am way blessed. I do not deserve them.

Also, God is pretty freaking awesome too. Definitely don't deserve that.

But, regardless, I am glad that they are all part of my life.


Yes.