This year there is a lot to be thankful for.
Right now, it's just 4 days until Thanksgiving and I've had a day surrounded by amazing new friends and old friends. I will soon get to see more old friends and some family. There are parts of me that are changing and growing. Parts of me that are learning and persevering. Parts of me that are loving.

I keep trying to express my thoughts concisely, but I cannot think of a good way (shocker, I know);


God is good.

Wisdom. Strength. Courage.

There has been a lot of change.



It's really kinda interesting to see how the past month has progressed (wow, has it only been just over a month since I have been back from Paris?). I can't say it has all 100% been great, but there has been a lot of good...but there has also been some rough times. It's been a joy, though, to persevere through those rough times. I'm not even sure if that makes sense to anyone else, but it's how I feel.

The future is weird. Part of me would like to know what is going on and part of me thinks that would spoil the surprise of getting there and make me not live in the moment. It's like, I'd love to see how this book, movie, tv-show, whatever ends....but if I just knew the end, the adventure of reading/watching it would no longer be exciting.

I have amazing friends. I am way blessed. I do not deserve them.

Also, God is pretty freaking awesome too. Definitely don't deserve that.

But, regardless, I am glad that they are all part of my life.


Yes.

Ups and Downs, But I'm looking ahead.

So now it's that time again. End of August. End of Summer. Well, maybe just the end of the 'Idea of Summer'.

School is back in full-swing. It's almost like I never left.

Except I did.

And things changed (don't they always?).

But I'm ok with that. Change can be good. It can be great. It can be scary. It can be all of the above.

I have so many reasons to be thankful.

Although, I re-did my budget for the next 11 months and the gas and food price hike is kind of killing me. Also some things that popped up that I did not expect. Also I miscalculated last time I did a huge re-haul (3 or 4 months ago) and somehow, now, after double-, triple-, quadruple-checking, I am 500$ short from where I thought I once was. Oops. Not a great mistake to make.

Not so thankful for that, but it will work out.

Alright, I guess I should start working and get back into school mode.

Gainesville->Paris->London->Atlanta->Smoky Mountains->Savannah->Pensacola->Daytona->Gainesville

So, I didn't update as much in this blog as I would have liked.

I think I shall bullet point some interesting tidbits about the past two months and you all can just bring them up with me if you would like to know about it. It has been a crazy past two months. That is for sure:

• Evil EWR
• Missing Three trains
• The lady at the Eurostar counter
• Sitting in the Tip-Down Seat for 3 hours
• Meeting an awesome old British couple
• My accent changing way too many times
• Feeling oddly 'at home' instantly in Paris when I got into the Métro at Gare du Nord
• Meeting my landlord and finding the only French people who don't drink café
• Living in the smallest space I have ever lived in
• A toilet being in a shower
• A bed that is stored in the ceiling
• French junkmail
• The Postal Service on the super-fast moving sidewalk in the Montparnasse Station
• Getting to know the crazy and awesome staff at the PRC
• French Rock Radio
• My students
• Ridiculous stories about what other students did
• Beignets
• Playing Tour-guide for Joe and his parents
• The Blue Eiffel Tower
• Belleville Park
• The search for slouchy
• Michelle came to visit
• Bastille Day in the Bois de Boulogne and on the Champ de Mars
• Drinking on the Champ
• Cafe Cremes with Joe and Tom in Normandy
• The best croissants in the world
• deux pains au chocolat
• Qu'est-ce tu fais tous les jours?
• The markets
• The best strawberries in the world
• The photo exposition
• Getting to know the staff well
• Helping to pull the program together
• Louay's
• Dinner with my old host family
• The most ridiculous cell phone game ever
• The almost-smart-car-adventure
• Chinatowns
• Telling off the people on Montmartre
• Dr. N trying to explain to the Italians that they already were in Montmartre
• Dr. N's explanations
• Laura's visit
• The 1200$ worth of texting
• French Starbucks and Service and the ridiculous around St Mich/St Germ/Odéon
• très sexy
• No scrubs
• My love for the métro
• The NaviGO
• Making lamb
• A Microsoft Publisher Nightmare / Does anyone know about technology?
• That bloody 80s song that got stuck in my head for a week thanks to Laura
• Sleeping on a tile floor for a week
• Leaving France via train and feeling like I've left another home
• The Not-Nearly-As-Awesome Tube in London
• The London Eye
• Big Ben (cooler than you think)
• Mussels and Beer with Laura
• Crazy nights at the hostel
• British Television
• London is the most expensive city ever
• Wandering in London
• An American giving directions to French people in a British accent in a city he's spent a total of 30 hours in.
• Knowing more about London and how to get around than any other tourist I met.
• The tower of London guide who was amazing
• The longest ride home sitting in the back seat of the smallest plane ever.
• Family time
• Camping in the Smokies
• Tubing on the rapids....Thrice
• Getting stung by a hornet....Thrice
• Pop 5 ninjas
• Killing a hornet with a frying pan
• Building and Cooking on a real fire
• S'mores
• : sigh : Yes, I am was boyscout, lol
• Sleeping in BunkBeds with Micah again (this happens too often)
• Beautiful mountains
• Driving slowly for others to catch up :P
• Taking 3 routes to get to the waterfall
• Creek walking
• Mary was hardcore
• Crêpes in the morning with bananas and peaches flambées (flambeee for micah)
• Tons of games with awesome people
• The hot tub
• Lots of alcohol without anyone being drunk
• Funny southern accents
• Wineries in Tennessee
• "What are apple fritters?"
• Forgetting Godfrey
• Sweet-Tea-less restaurant in Asheville
• The chocolate store
• Amazing architecture and renovation plans
• Drives through the mountains
• Savannah River ice cream and talkss
• Jellyfish in Pensacola
• Surprising Mobile
• Sunburnt on the beach with a good book
• Tons of seafood and relaxation with family
• Sleeping in my own bed again

My summer was ridiculous, yes that was a long list. Most will not read it. But it was two months of amazingness that I would not trade...even through some of the rough times. "Without the sour, the sweet wouldn't taste..."

Paris Prepares People Phor Pensive Ponderings

So I kind of cheated on the title. Forgive me.

Also, I wanted to make a long entry about all the things I have learned since being in Paris. Away from the constant attraction of the internet. Away from friends and family. Outside of the ability to be easy-to-reach. Paris is not quite the Negev, but nonetheless there have been many thoughts and ideas that have come clearer to my mind.

When I have more time, I'd hope to share them. I'd prefer in person, but that's sometimes a bit difficult.

: whew :

Has it only been five days since I got here?

Wow.

It already feels like it's been two weeks.

The trip over was quite exhausting. Thursday after I taught I went up with my brother and mother to pick up my father in Jacksonville. We went out to dinner that night at The Landing, drove home, frantically did some last minute packing, and went to bed around 2am. We woke up at 7am, I got to Orlando just fine, flew up to Newark and here the fun began.

It was a five-hour layover anyway, I was expecting it, but I had some books to read and Drew's iPod (a.k.a. 2nd Saviour). I was starving (a chicken biscuit at 7am was not doing it for me by 1pm) and so I grab some WAY overly expensive food while watching France get the tar beaten out of them by the Dutch in soccer...er...football (Seriously? The DUTCH? oi).

After that I went to my assigned gate. Then I found out my gate changed...and then it changed again...then it was delayed....then changed gate again...then delayed again...then delayed...then gate change...then delay. FINALLY, we get on board (9 hours after I had arrived in the beautiful city of Newark) and we are 41st in line to leave. Yes, forty-one. There were, somehow, on a beautiful bluebird sky without clouds, forty-one other planes in line to leave the airport. Something tells me there is a management problem....but whatever, I got a free 5$ alcoholic beverage on the plane for my troubles. That makes up for it, right?

So, we get into London at the exact time that my train leaves. Perfect timing! Except now I have to take the 30 minute train ride into downtown London, switch at Paddington onto the Circle line and take it two stations down to St. Pancras/Kings Cross. I navigated the tube fine (even though it was experiencing technical difficulties, of course) and made my way to the station. I had missed my train, the next train, and the one after that. Luckily, the lady I told my story to at the Eurostar office let me not have to buy a full ticket, instead just one for 50£ (100$). The downside? It's a full train so I have to sit in a tip-up seat in the hallway between the traincars...for two and a half hours. I eventually get to Paris, take the two subway rides to my stop, and find the guy who owns my flat. He and his wife are very very nice, invited me in, gave me something to drink, and we had a little chat in their place before he showed me around the area and how to get to my studio. I put my stuff away, said goodbye to the guy and went in search of some food. Found something cheap and crashed. I had to get up early the next morning for orientation though.

The people at the Paris Research Centre (PRC) are very nice and it's a really nice place, too. They have, however, kept us quite busy. There are about 20ish students taking various classes. We've travelled around with them to Montmartre, the Quartier Latin, Montparnasse, the Tour Eiffel, and various other places. We've done quite a bit of walking, lol. Teaching is going well and I haven't had much time to myself until last night when I finally got to go grocery shopping.

I'm just finally settling in here though, the dust of new arrivals has settled and we're getting into a nice rhythm. Friday we are going out to Giverny (where Monet did most of his work) and Saturday out to Versailles with the whole group. It should be interesting. I haven't had any time to go on photo adventures, but I've taken some here and there. Hopefully I'll be able to upload some of them soon.

Anyway, that's my life at the moment. How's yours?

Celebrate Departure!

So I only have 12 days left until I am gone for two months.

In honour of my departure, I would like to invite you all to participate in (thus far) three events of awesomeness:

1. This Friday evening. Party at my place. It's just an excuse to hang out. Come.

2. This Saturday morning. Tubing down the Ichetucknee. Who's up for it?

3. Sometime during the (next) week. (Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday) My mother and brother will be down and we could all possibly have dinner one day. Who's up for that?

It's weird to think I am even leaving. I wonder when this will start feeling real?

Updates

It's the third week of Summer semester. I am enjoying the lack of major responsibilities, but I feel like I have way too much free time on my hands.

There are less than three weeks left before I leave for Paris. WOAH. Crazy. It doesn't seem so close.

I have had two weeks and I have done pretty much nothing research-wise. I guess I should start sometime.

I will have occasional computer access in Paris, but not my own computer...so I will be available quite rarely.

I have a new chair for my room. It is wonderful. Totally worth the money. Thanks to those who helped make this possible.

I had a good time in Orlando with some awesome friends. A couple of frustrations came out...but it's all good now.

I have a feeling this week will be good. :)

Bullet lists are how my mind works.

It has been a pretty good week thus far.

Highlights:

• Working one hour and fifteen minutes a week. Well, there is more work than that, but that's all that I have to do that is scheduled
• Finally figuring out how I'm getting paid for Paris
• Made smoothies with Mary
• Had lunch with Stauffer at a new place I'd never been to before
• Had lunch with Leah for super-cheap (thanks raffle tickets!)
• Today's rainy gloom...even though it's still quite warm and feels like Florida, it was a nice relief.
• Lunch with Stauffer's mom (and THE WORLD) on Sunday
• Mike Patz's sermon on stewardship (and the thoughts it provoked in my mind I may one day get to on here.)
• Opening a savings account.
• My students all making As and Bs on their exams
• New beginnings.
• Better understanding of myself.
• A sense of change and peace simultaneously. Not sure how that works but it is good.

It's interesting the things people say that stick with us...

Sometimes I think I would like to have more comments on this blog. Not for the sake of going, "Oh, look how many comments I have! Look how many people love me!" (Love is not measureable in blog comments...nor should one try to do so.) I think mainly I just want to get some feedback.

This blog is sometimes used for an outlet of expression, but it's also a place to put forth my ideas and my thoughts. In college, I often got feedback from people either through comments in an online blog or being able to just hang out while throwing out ideas or thoughts about whatever crossed our minds. Sometimes it'd even turn into an argument or a debate. I got a call from a college friend yesterday and, over the course of our conversation, she lamented on the fact that sometimes people just don't want to throw these thoughts and ideas around and debate and argue over them. We all argued and debated constantly throughout college. It was hardly ever in anger, it was just a way we figured things out. Put forth ideas, hash through them, figure stuff out.

Sometimes it was typical collegiate subjects in academia: How many dimensions are there? Is Cartesian philosophy really flawed? Are we more controlled by nature or nurture?

Sometimes it was typical subjects of people in their late-teens and early-twenties: Why are women so confusing? What is love exactly? What am I going to do for the rest of my life?

But it was always in good fun and never caused a rupture in our friendships. In fact, we were probably stronger for it.

I'm not sure I get the same vibe in Gainesville.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not down on Gainesville (I love the people that are here), but a lot of times I see an avoidance of conflict of any kind from people and some placation instead of any debate or figuring out things. It's not like people never argue or have debates over things...but it's a different vibe. It's not a bad thing, just...different people, I guess.

But perhaps I'm wrong. Perhaps it's not Gainesville. Perhaps it's just because we all lived within close quarters of each other and therefore the opportunities to just chill and chat were far more numerous. And because we were so used to acting that way around each other, when we hang out now post-college, we tend to revert to that type of talking....so I tend to only relate it to these people and that time of my life.

I dunno, I think I got off topic (most assuredly). At any rate, this wasn't a plea for more comments; it's not a complaint about anything, either--just a release of my thoughts.

I definitely talk a lot.

Hurm.

I can't seem to make up my mind about anything recently. This is not a good.

---

I wonder how much your environment really alters yourself. I spent a week up in Atlanta and it was weird how I kind of reverted back to some of my old habits that I used to have when living with my parents. Not necessarily bad things, but just different. I found that I was also a lot less stressed about some things. I think that's good. Although, as soon as I got back into Gainesville, it's ridiculous how the stress kind of weighed itself back on me. It wasn't as bad, but it was quite different. My thoughts focused on different things up there than they did down here. I can't quite explain it, but I felt...different. I don't know what that means. I don't know if it's good or bad. I don't really know much of anything about it. Just....thought it was interesting.

---

OK. I think I'm done with this entry. I was about to get all emotional and expose more of myself than I think is probably wise.

Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps.

So, I survived Finals.

Huzzahs all around.

It was a lot of work, I'm not going to lie, a lot of work. I probably could have done a little better than I did. But it was a lot at once. Ah well, it's over for now. After Finals, I was looking forward to the smooth sailing of the summer.

Oh, Matthew. How naïve you are! Life doesn't work like that. Have you not learned from life before? Perhaps you should take a class in history at Matt U.

Perhaps.

After finals I had tons and tons of grading to do. I also had a meeting I had to go to concerning my summer teaching at UF. I was still quite busy for some time, but it wasn't as stressful, which was good. I then went to the meeting and found out my original plans for the summer--which I had stressed about all semester in trying to get perfectly aligned and tried to let everyone know what was going on and not go behind people's backs--were now impossible. The teachers said they don't think it is a good idea and I had to choose between teaching the first half of the summer at UF or teaching the second half of the summer in Paris.

After a lot of debating and discussing with friends and my parents about what the best choice would be, I had not yet come to a decision. There were lots of things to consider: money, time, the ability of each program to replace me, what God might want me to do (if he even has a preference), etc. I was leaning on teaching at UF and then I got a call this morning though, from Paris, telling me that they really would like me to come to Paris and not teach at UF. The director in Paris also tried to talk to the head of the RomLang Dept and ask him to reconsider his decision. Perhaps he might change his mind.

Perhaps.

It turns out we all found a compromise that we could agree upon and I am now able to do both. This is very very good. It's also pretty awesome. I am excited.

So now, I am able to relax much more at home with my family and my friends. I'm going to see Michael, Kathryn, Nicole, & Drew tomorrow. It's going to be pretty sweet. I'm excited to see them. I'll get to see Becca on Friday and hang with Drew (from Gainesville) and Matt Stauffer when they come through too and show them Atlanta. It'll be pretty sweet. I'm excited.

Much less stressful now, which is good. I still have a kink in my back from my crappy chair I sat in way too much during finals week for typing the 50ish pages I wrote for school. But I'm hoping that goes away soon. There are a few things else on my mind, but a lot of them have been eased with the fact that a friend of mine helped me realize that just because you are being patient, does not mean you are not making a decision. Patience is an active decision, it's not laziness. It's something I will hopefully learn to handle well over the summer. That's my goal. God's not finished with me, yet, it seems. Perhaps I'll finally get it. Or, at least I'll be on my way.

Perhaps.

Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps.

Like a bee.

Whew.

This past weekend was pretty much chockablock. I wrote my final paper for my much loathed Second Language Acquisition class. Submitted that. Went to Kristi's amazing art show. Enjoyed hanging out with my friends and seeing all the fruit of Kristi's labour. Then I went to a party and just hung with some people....'twas fun. Saturday I slept and took kind of a personal day. I've haven't been sleeping very well recently either. I dunno what it is. Maybe it's stress. Maybe it's the fact that I'm sharing a bed with a laundry basket. (How depressing.) Maybe it's the fact that I have 8 million and 1 things on my mind--of which 7 million of them are ridiculous and shouldn't even be on my mind. Oh well.

Today I have to write a 15 page-paper. Tuesday I have to write another one. Wednesday I proctor an exam. Grade the exams. Turn in the grades. Go to a meeting on Thursday and at some point, my mother wants me to come home via Columbus so I can pick up my brother. Oi. Busy busy.

So, I suppose I should go do those things that I need to do. I'm sure I'll be back here procrastinating later.

So, after a frustrating end to yesterday, I'm back to feeling strangely calm. I still have a lot to do, but it seems like a more conquerable mountain. I am not sure how my grades will actually end up (hopefully all passing...what happened to being scared of not getting an A? When did 'C' become a goal?) but I am not worried.

I don't know how it works: I worry a lot, but I'm not really a worrier. I think the fact that I can't really continue to worry about something for a long time causes me to consistently re-worry about things. I don't know if that makes sense.

So here's the breakdown:

1. Tonight (Tuesday): Write take-home final exam (4 questions, not very hard looking) for Phonetics.
2. Wednesday: Last day of classes, turn in Final I wrote the night before.
3. Thursday: Lost & The Office (HECK YES!)...plus, maybe some writing of a 10-pg paper
4. Friday: Writing that 10-pg paper I said I was going to write the day before. Submit it online by midnight.
5. Saturday: Nothing but sleeping-in and hanging-out (and other present participles with hyphenated prepositions)
6. Sunday: Church, God-Time, Small-Group, Writing a 15-page paper
7. Monday: Turning in 15-page paper. Writing another 15 page paper
8. Tuesday: Continuing to write that 15 page paper....and procrastinating
9. Wednesday: 7h30 Final Exam for my students, then lots of grading, then turning in that last paper and I'm done.

So it seems like alot...and it is...but it'll all work out.

w00t.

Content.

I'm feeling oddly positive.

But that's ok.

I've finished my last powerpoint presentation for this semester. (Yes!)

I have three more days of school and a lot to do in those days. But I'm feeling ok about it all. The three final paper, two exams, 75 compositions to grade, and 25 exams to grade seem like an actually conquerable mountain.

So...yay. That's good.

I had a good weekend. Busy, but it was good. AFAC went well and it was a great cause. Now I know what people are talking about since I wasn't at the last one. I hope we do another one in the fall. Saturday was also quite enjoyable with art gallery opening and hanginging out with awesome people. Today was kind of a personal day. Much needed and I got some stuff done for school. It was good.

So now, I'm (re-)watching the last episode of The Office and ready to go to bed content.

:)

This works on so many levels right now.

Freedom is a powerful thing.


But it comes with a price.


One must ask oneself: is freedom worth the price? Is it possible to sacrifice only a little for some freedom and still be content? Or are we made as human beings to desire pure freedom?

I think pure freedom might scare us.

But man, it sounds wonderful.

Pensive.

So I know I have 5 pages to write tonight, but I can't seem to get started. So I am going to procrastinate further by writing a blog entry. Don't you feel special.

Random thoughts currently going through my head:

• I bought new deodorant yesterday. It is a scent i have never tried before. I don't know if I like it.
• Sometimes I wish I had a laptop, sometimes I'm glad I have a desktop. Too bad I can't have both? lol
• I have very little due this week (one presentation), but I am behind on a few things, so this week feels really busy.
• The semester is almost over, Hallelujah.
• My friends in Gainesville are awesome. How did I come to deserve them? Wait, I don't. But that's cool that they are my friends anyway.
• I have this desire to be purely honest with everyone about everything. But I'm afraid it will come back and kick me in the arse.
• It's crazy the differences your life can be in after just one year. I wonder what the differences will be next year?

"Arrache-moi la tête, que je ne puisse savoir."

Weekend

Whew.

So this week is over. Time for the weekend. My birthday was Wednesday, but it feels more like today (Friday) is my birthday. I'm going out to eat with some friends, and then there's a party. It should be fun. :) I'm excited.

Another good thing I found about today, apparently, 2nd year MA students get paid .5 full time instead of .3 full time. This means that I get an extra 5000$ next year for teaching. Horray! This will be nice, since money has been quite tight recently. It's nice to have that little cushion...especially since I'm probably going to have to move after graduation and that's going to cost a pretty penny....

This weekend I have 5 short papers to write, a bibliography, and various projects I need to start/continue working on for next week. Oi.

I've also got to send my taxes in. I have them, I just keep forgetting to mail them in....

Oh, and I got into a class I didn't think I'd be able to take. Horray! Next semester should rock.

The 12 days between the end of the semester and the beginning of Summer A are going to be glorious.

Shower thoughts

All of my random deep thoughts come up either in the shower, while driving, or over coffee with a good friend.

Alright, so here's the thought; what do you think? :

If science is defined as an empiral study that uses a "method of discovering knowledge about the natural world based in making falsifiable predictions, testing them empirically, and developing peer-reviewed theories that best explain the known data" (Dictionary via Ninja Words)

And if faith is defined by "being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." or "the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; [something that] gives us assurance about things we cannot see." (Hebrews 1:11, NIV, NLT)

Then all the effort that goes into trying to prove God's existance or Christianity or anything else as such...is it all in vain? Is it actually going against what we need to be doing--just having faith? Can they coexist side by side?

What are your thoughts? Seriously. I'm curious.

Essentially, it was ridiculous.

I think this bout of sickness is nearing it's end. That is good. It surely sucked.

The budget for Paris got bumped up a bit. Only 700$...but hey, that's 700 more dollars.

I think my dad might be able to score me a flight with some of his frequent flier miles. It won't be the most luxurious or direct flight...but it will be free. That's all I could ask. I am super appreciative.

I have a lot less due this week. Next week will make up for it by killing me. Such is life. I'm going to enjoy this week though.

I saw a ridiculously hilarious movie this past weekend after spending some ridicuously awesome time with some ridiculously amazing people.

"Oh, so THAT'S why he talks so much!!"

Today has been good.

I woke up early enough to see dew on my car (I don't even remember the last time I was up that early without having been awake through the night). Had some great conversation on a trip up to Live Oak with Mary. Grandparents, driving habits, snow birds, future plans. Good stuff.

Took a phonetics test on spectrograms. Basically I had to learn how to read this:

It says happy birthday. Didn't see it? Yeah, neither do I. But whatever. That test is over and I actually think I did ok on it.

Then I had lunch with Matt. Food and more good conversation. Blogs (Past and Present), Racism, life in general. All very good.

None of these conversations seem to last long enough, though. I think I just really enjoy getting to know people and their lives and their thoughts and their experiences. Someone to bounce ideas off of, to get ideas from, to learn from, to help them in their problems, to vent to, to allow them to vent, to help refine them and to refine yourself.

So it's been a good day. And the day's not over yet! (Huzzah's all around!) My day will include a nap, possibly some good reading, some good Asian cuisine with some awesome people, and who knows what else. More conversation? You bet. Will it be awesome? Undoubtedly.

These rules are made to break and these walls are built to fall...

I don't know what to think about this past week. My mind has been everywhere and nowhere all at the same time. I've felt pushed and pulled in various directions. I've been dreaming like crazy. I never dream. Well, very very seldomly. Normally if I dream once a quarter, it's a big deal. This month I can recount at least 10 different times I've dreamt. I'm not sure what that means. My mind's been in overdrive and but with nothing coming from it. I feel insomniac, but I am getting more than enough sleep. This week has felt like a huge burden on my shoulders, and I realize that this week has been nothing compared to what next week shall bring.

I did find out I am for sure going to Paris this summer, though. Yay for that.

But was I ever sure to begin with?

Going to bed at 3 am with a maelstrom of emotions going through my mind. Frustration, Confusion, Desire, Longing, Curiosity, Fear, Worry, Reverence, and others that don't fit into nice little lexical categories.

I'm not sure what to think anymore.

11 hours, and this is all I could come up with?

Thoughts going through my head at the moment:

• When you tell your students for three days that you are going to have a quiz, you tell them what it is on, and you give them plenty of indication that they should actually study, how come they suddenly decide that they don't know anything and they shouldn't study and should complain constantly about the quiz because I am being unfair with this quiz. Umm...didn't I inform you adequately? Answer: Yes.
• This morning in the shower (why do ideas always come in the shower?) I think I realized a reason what kind of church I really want to go to. I think why I like the way my church back in Roswell was when I was a kid is because it seemed like everyone had a job, everyone was so close. We actually were a community. I could elaborate more, but I
• I lost my red pen for grading. I liked that pen. Now I have to grade in blue. Who does that?
• Yesterday must have been the day of talking to people you had relatively lost contact with. I had some unexpected texts and made an unexpected phone call. It was good to catch up with one friend, the other...well we didn't really catch up.
• I've felt disheartened every once in a while about teaching French class. It's kind of frustrating.
• I can't seem to figure out what God wants me to do. I am trying to not have my will override his, and to discern which is which...but I am not succeeding.
• I had way more things to say, but they did not make it to this entry which was started at 4pm and ended at 3am.

Reflective...sorta.

Spring Break was enjoyable. I cleaned my house entirely and got some things done that needed to be done. I also did a lot of sleeping. That was lovely. Hung out with some friends (sometimes til early hours of the morning) which was nice. I really want to spend more quality time with people. Get to know people better.

Nothing really productive school-related happened despite my best intentions, but I'm not sure I really expected anything productive to actually happen.

I also spent part of it in Atlanta hanging out with my parents and some old friends. It was really good to hang out with Michael and Kathryn, Drew and Nicole...but it wasn't nearly enough time. I also enjoyed being at home and having free food and time with my parents. None of it really lasted as long as I would have liked. But that's just the way things are.

---

I have felt really weird all day. I'm not sure why. Mentally/Emotionally I've just been all over the place. I want to expand upon this but I don't know how.

---

Woah. Something I didn't realize until just now: I am in the white pages under my own name. How weird is that? Another reason why I'm an adult, I suppose, lol.

It evens out

Today, so far, has been a mixture of emotions. A combinations of unusual highs and frustrating lows that have combined to balance me out somewhat.

For one, I found out yesterday that I am 99% sure I am going to Paris this summer. Which is awesome. To spend some 6 weeks teaching kids French (something I love to do, regardless of how dorky it may be), visiting the land of baguettes and escargot, la Seine and le Canal Saint-Martin, the Eiffel Tower and cobblestoned streets, the cafés and the architecture, the sights and sounds and smells and tastes and feel of that city is just kinda awesome, in my book.

I was also given an opportunity to teach over the Summer at UF. What an awesome combination, non? Unfortunately, the same half of the summer they want me at UF, they want me in Paris. Paris pays more, but costs more. Ideally (and kind of budget-wise) I need to teach half the summer at UF and half in Paris. Which means switching with one of the two people who are teaching the first half. I contacted one of them yesterday? No such luck. She can't switch because she is graduating afterwards. The other one? She really really really really prefers to teach that summer since her kids are still in school and then they would have the same time off in the second half of the summer instead of her kids being in school when she's not and vice-versa. I think she is my only hope though?

I woke up this morning actually quite happy. Perhaps it was the fact that I went to bed before midnight (woah!)? I don't know what the reason, exactly, but I just was quite happy. Unfortunately, this happiness led to me being late to school. Not good. It was only by 15 minutes, but still.

The weather this morning (er...late morning, I'm not sure what mornings are like anymore, lol) was kinda nice and a song I'm coming to like more and more came on randomly in my CD player on the way to school.

I also read my Bible for the first time in a while. I've been kinda slack in that area as of late because, well, I had not been getting much out of it before...I felt like I was reading because it was what I was 'supposed to do' but I got nothing out of it. I wanted to, I prayed for it to, but I just didn't get anything from it. But I felt like I should try a bit again, I read some, prayed for my understanding and for God to speak to me through it, read some more. I'm not sure if I got anything out of it or not. Perhaps.... But I think I'll try for a bit longer.

I had another thing to say but I forgot what. Oh well, I need to go to class anyway.

These are my hansd, these are my faults, these are my plans, and these are my nasty little thoughts...

I think I'm officially on Hawaiian Time....

So I am very much thrown off with my sleep schedule now. After being up until around 6am the past two nights, I am not getting a good night's rest tonight, I can just tell. This weekend was full of unproductivty and awesomeness. I can't even remember all that happened this weekend. Friday night was Happy New Month chez Kyla. I got to play with legos and Caleb D. It was awesome. I also got to enjoy some good times with some awesome people. We should do this again next month :p

Saturday was a day of sleeping in and reading. I did a lot of reading for fun and enjoyed that. I also went out to Berto's Art show closing. It was also pretty awesome. Followed by a surprisingly good movie (Blood Diamond) and surprisingly confusing movie (The Darhjeeling Limited). I think at the end when Aux Champs Elysées came on for the credits music, I just about burst out laughing (waking up two awesome ladies that had fallen asleep watching the movie). Seriously? Seriously.

Sunday was Kristi's birthday surpriseness and some homework. I wish I could have come up with a song in time to get it on Kristi's birthday CD. It is a pretty awesome CD (for a pretty awesome person). I also spent some time on SimCity....probably not that productive. I got a great phone call from Jamie telling me that he is ENGAGED! Holy crap, yes! Apparently Meghan popped the question today and they are getting married. Details not hashed out yet (particularly the "we have different citizenships" problem)...but this means that a) one of my best friends is getting married and b) I get to take another trip to Washington State. Sweet. I guess I should start saving now.

I was slightly bummed before I wrote this entry about how my life is going so incredibly not where I thought I would be going (and not where I want it to go?) ...but after writing this entry to sum up the weekend, I don't want to dwell on the blah-ness.

Alright, it's off to bed.......


......maybe. lol.

Mid-term

This week has been a week of semi-productivity. I'm not completely neglecting anything, yet I'm not completely engulfed by a massive amount of responsibility. I'm just kinda gliding through this week. It feels kinda like Friday, but it's actually only Wednesday.

I'm enjoying teaching my students, as nearly always. I'm kinda ignoring the book a bit and focusing on just kinda teaching them. I think it is working out well. I even graded about 90% of their tests yesterday. Which is good because I already have 50 compositions I'm behind on grading. Oi. I'll get to them eventually. I had them do something very different for homework tonight. I hope it works out well and that they enjoy and learn from it.

I had a mid-term last week that I really bombed. D+. It's probably the lowest I've ever gotten on something in GradSchool...yet, I'm not as worried about this class as I was about my literature classes last semester. I am really not learning anything in this class...my interest is also way low because this class is not actually applicable to my future studies or my future career. The only motivation for this class is not failing...and that's a horrible motivation (albeit valid).

Sidenote: Albeit is a very cool word.

I have another mid-term tomorrow in another class (obviously), but I have no motivation to study for it. I'm not nearly as worried, but I really should look at some of this stuff. It's only 9PM. I have a few hours before I should go to bed. I have learned far more in this class than in the aforementioned one though.

My phonetics class doesn't have a midterm, but it's really cool. It's actually turned into physics and maths at this point, which--while I don't completely love maths--I am good at maths and can easily understand it. The physics of language is just cool.

Finally, I should probably find something to do for Spring Break. Maybe I can find a ridiculously cheap flight to somewhere or gather up some people for a road trip. Although, that will be hard for those friends of mine who don't have a spring break or not the same weekend. Ah well, we'll see, I suppose.

Apparently Five (or six...depending on how you want to look at it).

So I have gotten word about some of the stuff I'm going to be doing this summer.

I applied way back in the middle of January for teaching over the summer here at UF. I figure, I should probably find a job since I'm going to live here over the summer and I have 'real world' expenses. UF has two summer semesters, both about 7 weeks long. I was assigned to teach Summer B (July to Mid-August). I also applied two weeks ago for a position to teach French in Paris this summer. It would be held Mid-June to the end of July. I am still waiting to hear about that position this summer (hopefully sometime this next week). If I get in--which I hear from my 'secret sources' that I am up there as far as candidates go--then I'm going to hopefully try and switch teaching Summer B to Summer A (May to mid-June). Which means that my summer will be pretty full, but it will also be amazing. And I will have a steady flow of income and actually end up coming out slightly richer (which will be nice since I'm living pretty much paycheck to paycheck at this point...a little more financial security is always nice...for emergencies and such). Plus it will just be an awesome experience.

Anyway, other than that things are going relatively well in my life. I mean, I could complain (we could always find things to complain about) but I shouldn't complain. I've been really lucky and blessed over the past few months.

[Maybe I should tackle one of those things I said I would write about....ok, here goes]

As many of you know there are, in various languages, different ways to say "you". There is a familiar version (French: tu, Spanish: tú, etc.) and a formal version (French: vous, Spanish: vosotros/Usted, etc.) Because I speak French quite a lot throughout the day and I often find myself thinking in French and therefore praying in French, I wonder how I should address God. I mean, the almighty creater of the universe you would think should receive the upmost formality as possible--vous is the obvious choice. However, he is my father, my
Αββα, my אבא, so shouldn't I refer to him as tu? It's such a big deal in the French language and culture to use the right term and I think I just never knew which one. What if it applies in both ways?

Anyway, one day when I wasn't even thinking about it, I found myself on wikipedia (Quelle surprise!) and found out that many languages have two words for "you" including English. It turns out that English--back in the day--used to have a familiar and formal version of 'you'. I, honestly, had no idea.

It seems that back in the days of Thou and Thy these words were, in fact, the familiar versions of "you"; You and your were actually more formal. So when the King James version was being penned back in the ages of...well, King James, they realized that the all three, the Greek, Aramaic, and Hebrew referenced God in a very familiar way...not distanced at all from his people as a more formal tone would suggest. We think of the KJV having a very formal tone because Thee and Thou and Thine and Thy all seem very archaic and formal to us, but they are actually showing a more closeness with our God.

I dunno, I thought that was really interesting, so I thought I'd share.

Man, how many languages can I put in one entry? lol...

Outward Emotions

So you know how some days you act a little different because you're sad or angry or frustrated or super happy or scared or whatever. And sometimes people notice it and ask you "hey, what's going on? Why are you happy/sad/scared/frustrated/angry/otheremotionalresponse?"

What happens when it's just a regular normal day--I'm not super happy or frustrated or anything--but about half of my students ask me what's wrong? Are they seeing something I'm not?

Weird.

My mind is a MACHINE!

My mind has been thinking more than recently. I've got about four of God's special memory enhancers (Post-It Notes) on my desk with things that have come to my head and ideas or thoughts or curiosities that I want to explore. Not all in the blogosphere necessarily, but they are out there.

So in an effort to sort of clean off my desk and organize things a bit, here are where my thoughts have lead recently:

• Worthship vs. Worship
• There's a lunar eclipse on the 20th (that's tomorrow) we should celebrate it--not that we're pagan, but because it'd be cool.
• I like that Matchbox 20 came back together and they have a new song I like.
• Things that I mentioned in talking with Micah last night about replacements of identites and how to move on in life.
• Sweating the small stuff and having your priorities in order and understanding what's actually small
• The path of least resistance, that bloody Robert Frost poem, and God's plan for us.
• Giving all your mind, strength, heart, soul, SELF to God.
• The usage of Thou and Thy in the KJV and my thoughts on it + How to pray in French (Yes, they are related, oddly enough).
• What the crap am I going to do this summer???

So yes, those are the thoughts in myh ead. One day I hope to tackle them all. Hopefully soon.

As far as the last one, I do have some new information. I can teach at UF for half of the summer but it seems as if I'm getting paid squat for it (about 100$ a week....seriously). If anyone has any supplimentary jobs I could do this summer...I'd love to hear them. I'll do data entry, picture tagging, lawn mowing, toilet cleaning, or whatever you would like me to do. If it pays and I'm available, I'll probably do it.

I haven't heard back from Paris yet. Hopefully soon, but probably going to be a few weeks yet. I'd like to get my summer plans a bit more nailed down, really...ah well.

The Circle of Life is Shaped Like A Heart

It is a sad day.

Yes, today of all days--the day of love, the day of happiness, the day of wolf-fertility, the day of fat babies with sharp pointy weapons--something tragic has occured.

A once beloved fish has passed away from this world and has gone to wherever fish go after they die.

He was an incredible fish. Defying all odds to survive moving nearly 550 miles in a car on four different occaisions, living in a very small enclosure, and breathing(?) the wonderful different tap waters of these four places. He apparently survived in these harsh conditions nearly one and a half years from his release from the hands of blue (two by two).

R.I.P., Bloop.

You shall be missed.

Mindless Musings

I was going to open this entry up by saying "Lots of thoughts on my mind, like always" and then I realized...wait...if I always have lots of thoughts on my mind, then why do I have to start an entry telling everyone this? Well, I guess I don't. But I just did. Hurm.

Anyway,

I've been finding myself thinking about a lot of things and wanting to get them off my chest. Well, not really get them off my chest as much as just throw the idea out there and talk it through with someone. Unfortnately, I've fallen out of contact with a lot of my friends. In fact, when I call pretty much any of my friends in the ATL area I feel like I'm intruding on their new lives. They have spouses, real-world jobs, and lives that don't involve me. I feel kinda left behind in the single college-student scene. I know they would protest, but their problems are so different than mine now, I feel like I got stuck in the past.

It's hard when you have thoughts you're ashamed of but can't get out of your mind. Even things that are incredibly ridiculous and no one would care...the shame that I even think of them makes me not want to share it...regardless of the validity of my thoughts. I used to have some friends where i felt comfortable sharing this stuff...where I didn't feel judged....where I could tell people things in confidence and they genuinely cared and wouldn't bat an eye or tell a soul. What happened? I guess that's all part of growing up.

I hurt for my family who is dealing with how to deal with my grandfather. I hurt for my grandfather.

I really appreciate my parents. I'm not sure I could give my children the same kind of awesome upbringing that I really appreciate like they did.

I have days where I'm comfortable with who I am and days where I regret every decision I've made. Ha, how bi-polar sounding.

I made both an A on my final paper in that class I had to rewrite the paper in as well as an A in the class. This makes me quite happy. Although part of me wonders if I just got it out of pity.

I've spent the past 10 years studying French and I still don't think I've got it all down. I feel kinda like a failure.

I seem to write a lot of posts in bullet-points. That's relaly how my mind works, though.

Last week I had two different verses that randomly popped into my head. It's weird, I have been horrible at memorizing verses since forever. But these just popped into my head out of nowhere while I was trying to fall asleep. The first was "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength." (Mark 12:28-30) and I have since forgotten the second. I've got lots of thoughts brewing about these two verses, maybe one day i'll get them out for the world to hear.

The path of least resistance. This concept confuses me. I understand it by definition, but the practical implications of it both in this world and outside make me confused. Kinda like being who you are but also changing what's wrong with you. Perhaps something again to address another day.

I've got a lot more but I'm self-conscious about putting them on the internet. (How dumb am I?)

Besides, this is so long no one is going to read it anyway.

Oh yeah? Well, take that!

Lots of thoughts running through my head. Some good. Some bad. Some not easily placeable into such indescript categories as "good" and "bad".

The past week was ridiculously busy as far as school goes. I had a test, a presentation, a paper, various homeworks, and loads of grading and teaching-related stress. It's over (for the most part) though, now. So that's good.

I found out my favourite radio station back home is no longer in existance. Apparently no one likes alternative/rock music in Atlanta anymore but the Top 40, Rap, and R&B are, of course, amazingly popular. Bum. They really were a good station--locally owned, played a good mix of music, and gave a lot of new bands a chance when no one else would. I guess it really doesn't matter much since I don't live there anymore. But they were a large part of my (musical) life from 1998 to 2007. Ah well.

I feel like I'm changing in Gainesville, and I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing. I don't think I like it though.

I'd give anything for a good D&M right now, for realz.

Every once in a while my thoughts wander off to old friends I've lost--well not lost, but extremely diminished--contact with. What happened?

Winter is no longer here in Florida. We're back to 70+ degree weather. RIP Winter of '07-'08.

EmailCapsules.com

I received an e-mail today. It read the following:

Dear Future Version of Me,

on today you were bored. yup. what a surprise. You are not sure whether you want to go to Graduate School or if you want to teach. You are a bit stressed about teaching at Rome High but you are even more stressed about your Education Portfolio and even MORE stressed about Thesis work. It\'s crazy.

Written at Mon Jan 22, 2007

I remember when I wrote this. A year ago, I found this website that allows you to send an e-mail to anyone else on a specific date/time in the future.

It's crazy how things have changed.

Randomness on a Spoon

There's a lot of things going through my mind. Not all of which will end up in this late-night blog entry because I have neither the time nor the energy nor the mental capacity to expel all of those tonight.
...
I had a good talk with Drew last Friday. We spent pretty much from 3 til 7:30 just talking about all sorts of stuff. Girls and God, mainly. The two G's. He made some good comments and he's just genuinely fun to hang out with. I hope I get to know that guy even better while I'm here.
...
Talking with Drew made me realize two things: I love my Gainesville people, but I really do miss my guys back home. Also...I think there are a few things I'm pretty much never going to get over and just going to have to live with. So, I guess I should get over getting over them. Ridiculous.
...
There is way more drama in Gainesville than I realized. I thought we left drama behind in middle school. I don't remember Berry being this dramatic.
...
My life should be less of an open book.
...
I need to learn the art of shutting up and talking less.
...
I am an adult now, it's about time I start acting like one.
...
I am not artsy, nor am I sporty, I fit in with neither crowd. Sweet. I'm going to make my own crowd called "People similar to or vaguely wanting to hang out with Matt"
...
The past may be over, but it can haunt you forever. It's still an irrevocable part of who you are. It has helped mold you into the person that you are today.
...
I am a flawed individual. I have come to terms with this. But is it the flaws that make me unique in who I am, or should I try and replace these flaws and fix them with something that is deemed more conducive to living (and loving) well.
...
If I am open and honest with others, I'd like to hope that others will be open and honest with me. It would make things a lot easier, in my mind...but getting us all on the same level is difficult (impossible?) and just ends up hurting people.
...
Sometimes I think things are difficult, but then I realize I am really doing fine compared to others so I shouldn't complain...and then I realize that the comparison doesn't make things seem that much easier, now I just feel bad about complaining.

A New Year; A New Me?

It's finally cold in Florida. I love it.

Yesterday was pretty much a wash. In fact, if someone were to ask me what I did on the 2nd, I'm not sure I could tell them. Not because I was drunk out of my mind or in a parallel universe...those two things would have been much more interesting. Instead, I woke up late after going to bed around 6am, did some stuff around the house, played Sim City 4, and went to bed early. How boring.

I suppose it was just a contrast to the entire awesomeness of the previous few days. Friends getting married, seeing old friends, seeing new friends, combining worlds, having a party of nearly 25 people at my house, enjoying hanging out with people, etc. etc. etc.

I'll be ready to have some scheduled goodness when school starts. I'm glad for a break, but I'll be glad to start back up teaching and I guess learning too, lol.

I had way more interesting things to say, but I'm not sure they are completely formulated. So to finish this out, I'll just sum up some of the last year. Sure, it's cliché...but well, whatever.

January: I had a New Year's Eve Party at my parents' house with most of my closest friends from Atlanta. I had sent out all my grad school applications but had no idea where I would be going or what I'd be doing. Micah and Rachel had just gotten officially together and I pretty much just hung out with Jenni because all my other friends had disappeared in their own worlds. Even though I liked hanging out with her, she really messed with my head.

February: I was still teaching high school French and really enjoying it. Got to know Maggie a bit better and planned my trip to Washington State.

March: I don't remember anything important happening. I probably started my thesis and finished off my portfolio. I slowly began to realize that Grad School was my most probable outcome after graduation

April: I spent my second spring break in Washington State. I got to visit Jamie--whom I hadn't seen for about three years--, his girlfriend Meghan, and Maggie. I had an awesome time, but found out that neither Nintendo nor UW wanted me. My dreams of living in Seattle were squashed. I still love the PNW though. I also came back from Washington really enjoying my time with Maggie and we eventually decided that, if things work out, we could hopefully get to know each other better and start dating. I also made the final decision to move to Gainesville and go to UF

May: Things between Jenni and I got more and more estranged--our friendship was getting weird. Totally confused by her "I act like I like you but I say that I don't" attitude, I started acting like a jerk to try and get her to stop (it made much more sense in my head). I finally graduated and finished with my Berry life forever. Justin and Rebecca got married. And I was OK with the fact that I wouldn't have to deal with Jenni again. Maggie and I discussed me coming up to the midwest to hang out with her and her family.

June: Becca and Cole got married. The first out of my closest friends to get married. I continued to work at my dad's place. I also became a homeowner.

July: I found a roommate for my house. I moved all of my stuff into my house and my dad's car got broken into and had a bunch of important stuff stolen. I went on a little mini-vacation to the Smoky Mountains with my family and then went up to Iowa and Nebraska with Maggie's family. I had a good time up there, but it caused some problems with Maggie's and my relationship.

August: I came back from the midwest with Maggie and we spent some time painting my apartment and hanging out. Eventually our relationship came to an end and she moved off to Miami. It was weird being in a new place and not being able to share all the new thoughts with anyone. Micah was busy with either work or Rachel stuff, Drew and Nicole were getting ready to get married, Michael and Kat are always hard to get a hold of, I really wasn't talking to Jenni anymore, and I had just broken up with Maggie and she wasn't talking to me anymore.

September: I got used to Grad School...and decided I hated it. I got used to the Gainesville crowd though and I am so very blessed to have them around. I did a lot of apologizing and forgiving.

October: Drew and Nicole got married. It was awesome. I got to hang out with some amazing people and see some amazing people get married. It was generally amazing. I also got a mini road trip going up to Kentucky to see them. It was awesome. I also realized I had to suck it up and finish at least this semester....regardless of how much I hated Grad School. I learned that Autumn in Florida sucks. Micah and Rachel started having problems but Micah and I started to renew our relationship. As much as we had our problems at the end of college, I really love that guy.

November: I got to really feel a lot more "in" this group in Gainesville. Had some rough patches in Grad School, but started to get through it. Had Thanksgiving with the family in Saint Pete and got to see UF beat FSU and UW lose to WSU....all in all, not a bad month, though.

December: Finished the first semester of grad school without totally failing, like I almost thought I would. Got to spend some time with the family, see two of the most awesome people get married, and spend some time with old friends that I love and adore. My parents got robbed (*shakes angry fist and says a few choice words*) and I had an awesome New Year's Party.

Goals for next year: Get better at talking with God, Have a more positive outlook on Grad School, Travel more, Love.

November: